no sex - what to do? 
#62845
14 y
1,899
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*sigh* so what do men (or people) do who are in a relationship and who have a high sex drive but get it rarely? Are the only answers "p 0 r n" or "cheat"? (And wouldn't p 0 r n & fantasizing lead to cheating?) What do people who don't cheat do?- Re: no sex - what to do? hanna
14 y
1,929
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- Re: no sex - what to do? #62845
14 y
1,827
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,617,603*sigh* I really should just do that. I have doubts, but maybe it will help.
- Re: no sex - what to do? #62845
14 y
1,827
- Re: no sex - what to do? BlueRose
14 y
1,842
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,617,581Are you male or female? If you are female, I do have some advice for you but won't post until I'm sure...
- Sorry... I'm female. #62845
14 y
1,660
- Re: Sorry... I'm female. BlueRose
14 y
1,906
This is a reply to # 1,617,878Ok...Thanks for posting back.
First of all, I commend you for not wanting to cheat. A few months back there was a poster here on CZ whose husband didn't want to have sex anymore and she used that as a justification to cheat.
The way I see it, you do have some options:
1) Leave the relationship but depending on the details of your situation, that could well be a rather draconian solution.
Instead, if your relationship is a good one despite the mismatch of sex drives, then there is much to consider. If you have kids, is he a good father? Is he a good provider? Is he otherwise demonstrative in showing you affection? Do you love each other? Do you share common interests and values?
The thing to remember about sex --- even if you both were sexually compatible, things can change. Sometimes men develop health issues and can no longer perform. These health issues may make him unable to take the little blue pill.
If all the other above mentioned components are in place, then a good marriage/relationship can survive without sex.
2) Use the vibrator as the other poster suggested. However, interestingly enough, I recently read an article that said once a woman uses a vibrator, she can find it hard to go back to conventional sex. This is because the vibrator produces a much more intense orgasm.
Only you can decide which route is the right one for you. I wish you all the best!- Which Toy? #62845
14 y
1,845
This is a reply to # 1,617,919"2) Use the vibrator as the other poster suggested. However, interestingly enough, I recently read an article that said once a woman uses a vibrator, she can find it hard to go back to conventional sex. This is because the vibrator produces a much more intense orgasm."
Holy crap, really? I'M IN!!!!! lol
He's a wonderful husband. I'm so very lucky. He seems to have a block that has to do with sex in the routine of daily life (see my previous posts for details if you like). I've never been very interested in toys, if I can quell my sex drive, I would absolutely do it, because the benefits of being with this man are many and great. From what you said and from what another person said to me privately, I have to get over my reservations and try a toy. It still seems slightly odd/unappealing (I do like the real thing), but all reports say they really can do wonders for a gal. I will try this. Other men only seem tempting because my hormones seem to be raging at the moment. There is no way I would trade in my marriage for sex and I have no illusions that people can do both long term.
I've also come to the conclusion that over time many marriages decline in sex further than I would like. So I definitely want the marriage; I've no ambiguity on that. It will be nice to be able to have it without the intense frustration that comes with these surges in hormones. This particular "surge" has been going on for about 2 weeks! Time to try a toy.
(I do feel a tad embarrassed, which amuses me since I'm so rarely embarrassed, but I'm waffling between a rabbit and the Hatachi Magic Wand. I'm a first time user. Any suggestions?)
- Which Toy? #62845
14 y
1,845
- Re: Sorry... I'm female. BlueRose
14 y
1,906
- Sorry... I'm female. #62845
14 y
1,660
- people who want sex and don't get se... John McCain 2008
14 y
1,937
This is a reply to # 1,617,581that's the solution to your problem. you're with someone who doesn't want what you want, thus, your life will be miserable with this particular person unless she changes or you move on. happens all the time. you only get so many good sex years on a body so my adage is never to waste those years on someone who doesn't care one way or the other. at age 65, you can both not care about sex all you want...but for now...it's time to get hump'in.
- Re: people who want sex and don't ge... #62845
14 y
1,660
This is a reply to # 1,623,941Haha, Johnny boy, it may be a little more complicated than that and I'm definitely not moving on. He loves sex, but we have some type of block. I'm the one that posted a while back about vacation sex, and then again about porn at home. But that's okay. I have an update post for you all!
I do appreciate your posts and your perspective, as always. :) - Re: people who want sex and don't ge... #92910
14 y
1,757
- Re: people who want sex and don't ge... #15170
14 y
1,488
This is a reply to # 1,629,662We just lost my wife's father two weeks ago.
He was 102.5, and was out dancing, new driver's license, leading the morning exercise group for thirty years, took the steps up to his condo two at a time, and had an active "life" with a wonderful 97 year old lady up until a fall did some damage and he got a hospital infection that he could not whip.
At a recent outing, a waitress asked him how old he was.
Guess", he said
"Maybe 70 or so", she said
"Nope, I'm goin on 103"
"NO WAY"
"WAY"
What keeps you so young?", the young woman asked.
His wonderful girl friend of 97 said:
"Sex"
To the astonishment and embarrassment of the young woman.
He bought new dancing clothes recently, and but for that fall that put him in Harms way in the hospital (no meds, tripped over a rug out of place or something), his calendar was all penciled in for the upcoming dances and meetings.
So take heart, you "kids" on these forums.- not buying the 'ol 103 yr old guy la... John McCain 2008
14 y
1,431
This is a reply to # 1,644,518sell that to harlequinn romances. we all know people that are younger than their age, but let's not get all nutty here with the "i know a 100 yr old guy who screws every lady in the old folks home" stories. silly...
- not buying the 'ol 103 yr old guy la... John McCain 2008
14 y
1,431
- 89 and hump'n? not buying that. John McCain 2008
14 y
1,389
This is a reply to # 1,629,662maybe hump'n the seafood buffet at the local casino on crab night but sex at 89...no. it's always polite and "politically correct" to think you can have it well into your golden years, but i'm not buying it. sell that fantasy to the aarp.
- Re: 89 and hump'n? not buying that. #92910
14 y
1,756
This is a reply to # 1,652,901not my problem if you don't buy it!
no gambling, no aarp, just hard workin' mexicans, mama still cleans the entire house spotless at her age and pops climbs up to work on the roof in 90 degree weather.
- Re: 89 and hump'n? not buying that. #92910
14 y
1,756
- Re: people who want sex and don't ge... #15170
14 y
1,488
- there's a dramatic increase in senio... John McCain 2008
14 y
1,798
This is a reply to # 1,623,94165 yr and up senior women don't want sex, that's well known. why do you think the term "frigid" developed? lol...women not wanting to bother with sex. and the latest trends show women, married or in a relationship, having separate bedrooms or separate living quarters all together. my parents do this and have been for almost all their 23 yrs of marriage. two separate homes. she wants to shop and eat, not get laid. that's what senior women do...shop, eat, watch tv, bitch and complain, eat, shop, and sleep. no where in there did i mention "get laid". that's real life...
- Re: people who want sex and don't ge... #62845
14 y
1,660
- Re: no sex - what to do? hanna
14 y
1,929
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