Out in the desert, when I was an infant child, two years of age, I was playing on the side of the house unsupervised. I screamed... Black Ants had crawled all over me, stinging me from head to toe... I was just an innocent bystander in the game of life... I tore blindly at the invisible ants crawling in my clothing and diaper... but to the ants I was an invader and they were defending their home... all the while stinging me to protect the mound. I was rushed into the bathroom by my mother where the ants were washed off of me. My father returned from work and while I was not too aware of what happened next... I understood the ants were poisoned...

Fast forward until, when I was a young man, where I had a Near Death Experience. I had finally put myself into a situation where I would discover what it is like to die... Water swept across the road, me tired on a long trip... and just wanting to make it to my destination, did not see the water... My car began to hydroplane and I steered then counter steered to right my little car but then my car left the road and into a cornfield my car rolled over and over...and over... Thud, crunch, crash... thud crunch craSH.... thud, crash, crunch....Glass...and bang... As my body was going into then out of the windshield and side windows.... then in then out....crashing. .. banging....clanging ... I had a life-review...

In my life review, I saw every moment of my life in a type of 3D video, filmed from just outside of my body.. Important moments were focused on while other moments were just fast forwarded past as meaningless. .. I saw every moment of my life all the way up to that point... Sometimes, early in the morning, I am reminded again of some of those formative moments in my life-review... some of those moments that were fast forwarded past... weigh-stations along the path of my life.

I was an adventurous young child. I could not be bound by motherly reins. I was found one time playing on top of the refrigerator. At the age of three, I had pulled myself up on a chair, onto the counter and up on top of the refrigerator I made my way. Another time I was out in the yard, and clambered up on top of the house. I was pretty much a crawling, walking disaster area waiting to happen. A passing neighbor frantically banged on the door below me and came to tell my mother. They retrieved me from the roof with a ladder. I had somehow climbed from board to board....up. ..up.. and up a trellis, on boards jutting out of the walls to hold up the trellis outside our home... The neighbors and my mother figured the boards must have looked like a set of stairs to my curious young mind. For me, I was just going to be going... not considering the consequences of my actions...

Kids were raised much different in my day than they are today... When I was just a young boy, my mother would open the door on Saturday mornings and tell me and my siblings not come back in until lunch, so she and my father could rest and get the house cleaned up. When we left, she locked the door behind her. We had to knock on the door to get back in. It was her and my father's time to escape me and my over-energetic siblings... so they could have peace... Ten or fifteen children would come out one by one or in pairs and we would spend much of our day together...

Left to our own devices, we played kick-the-can, built underground forts, devised secret codes, made mud clods with rocks planted inside them and formed strategies for ambushing the kids from across the alley... We were more or less running off of our natural instincts... much like ants of ant mounds do what they do.

There were two types of ants in my town. There were red ants and there were black ants. We always preferred the red ants as they were slower than the black ants and were not as quick to sting you. Ants did what ants do... collecting food from wherever they could find it... Occasionally the ants in our neighborhood would come across a hapless or injured insect that was unfortunate enough to come across their path.

Sometimes, when we were bored, we would be the reason for great celebration among the ants. We would find a grasshopper, tear its legs off, so it could not jump and fly away and lay the grasshopper in the path of the ants. We would watch with curiosity as the ants would carry the huge grasshopper on their tiny exoskeleton back to their mound... It was as if we were gods... taking one life and giving it to another... the ants.... all for our amusement...

The ants would become very energetic upon finding the gift we lay before them. The ants would group together and pass along the hapless grasshopper or carry it individually until, when the ants had reached the hole to go underground. .. the ants would tear the partially alive grasshopper apart, piece by piece, so they could bring the food to their underground chambers. We would stare in amusement, and often with a magnifying glass observe this late stage in the process... the dismantling of the formerly kicking grasshopper who was now only twitching...

I went into a tunnel, after my life review was over... my lifeless body....left behind... My soul escaped my body and met a perfect light... The light was what I can only approximate in words... every single loving kindness or joy from every soul and spirit that has ever experienced joy or loving kindness... I had my meeting with the being of light... who asked me if I had learned enough about love? It was a trick question really... I was in the presence of all the love there would ever be... but I was reminded of my body below... my life review... and with a response of no and my feeble explanation... I was booted out of the presence of the light...

Facing away from the light in heaven... things started showing up on a street made of a translucent gold color... I got back in a line with hundreds of orbs of light(like myself) and walked past beautiful perfect landscapes and to an opening at the edge of this most magnificent of all places... In the line... At the edge of heaven, I finally walked out the door and into complete darkness... I knew somehow that I had made this trip many times before...

I looked behind me and there were many orbs of light flowing out of the rectangular boxy shaped heaven that I had just come from... They flowed like a crazy ladder.... or a Chinese Dragon... in a Chinese New Year Parade... down... down... down....

There was nothing but darkness in front of me but then I saw a point of light... then more points of light... passing by stars... and the further I went as I fell at an amazing speed... the more and more stars there were... that came in and out of my sight...

Along the way... the orbs would sometimes break off and go toward some of the stars we passed by...

Planets started coming into view....zoom. ....zoom.. . zoom... I passed them by.... but somewhere along the way way back to the earth that popped up in front of me... I began to see my translucent body.... my arms... the back of my hands... it was very curious... I did not have long to admire it all though as I was about to re-enter the atmosphere, right outside the earth, I stopped...

A super-intelligent met me in something like a library... This being showed me my part of what was his plan for the earth below and then he showed me scrolls that opened up into stories... or 3D books...and I had to agree to all kinds of things to return... and this super being... who was nothing close to even the nth degree like the being of light I met in heaven... showed me the plan and how every soul interacted with one another in radiating fields of light and darkness... neither good nor evil but rather just light like I witnessed in heaven and the absence of light... I made no judgment then but I could see how waves of light and darkness flowed in and out of one another... and I understood that I was to learn lessons...

I looked into one of the 3D books at the library above the earth and saw the whole history and future of the earth. Where there was nothing.. the earth popped up.... bright and full of light... and then I saw the earth changing from age to age... dimming and growing in light... It was much like a chess game... shades of light and darkness... moving across the face of the earth...

I saw at the beginning of this last age... how the light was growing and growing to where it was out of balance of the 2/3rds(.666% ) light... When the earth was ever out of balance... light or dark... the super intelligent being I met outside the atmosphere would then initiate mechanisms, set in motion... that moved in wave to tear down the forming lights... And when the world then descended into a grayer version of itself... this super being would allow light in to balance out the world below...

Although this super being spoke to me... his words formed moving picture before me... symbols and words meeting one another... all of them explaining through his books, charts and maps how his system of 2/3rds light and 1/3rd darkness was superior to the light in heaven as it provided a perfect balance and made learning possible... but all I could understand from it all, now that I am back in this world is that this super being was a god or God to many below; he rewarded those who followed his plan... up to a point... and twisted those who did not follow his plan back toward his balance of 2/3rds light....

In the books the Librarian showed me, there were a few pure points of light that no darkness could come into as the light just dispersed the absence of light in its path; and there also were points of pure darkness(much fewer) that were so dense in darkness or absence of light that the radiating darkness around them absorbed the light surrounding them before it could reach the darkness; but most of the the other points of mostly shades of gray(souls and spirits) flowed into and out of each other in moving waves of grayish light and darkness from each of the the points of pure light and darkness(souls and spirits) back toward the equilibrium of .666% light... I understood my soul up to that point was simply like the ants I observed as a child. I responded... much like every point below to everything the super being put in front of us... like marionettes. ..

I remembered another blip of the fast forwarded past parts of my life review where... as a pre-teen, gathering red ants into a jar, and then alternately black ants visa versa... and putting them into each of the opposing ants mound... to see how they would respond... pitted one against the other... watching them meet each other and fight one another...

I reflected on another piece of my life review how then later on starting wars between the opposing ant mounds by baiting the ants... leaving trails of bits of bread and Sugar to each others' mounds... Sometimes, the black ants overwhelmed the red ants and other times the red ants prevailed... but I saw that the super being I met outside the atmosphere was much as I was... pitting souls and spirits one against the other... and at other times leaving gifts in out paths as a type of reward...

When the ant wars were over... there were far fewer ants than there were before... and little by little the winning army of ants would get stronger but the carnage was huge... The ants would bring their dead back to there mound... and what was left of the remaining remnant of the losing army would return their dead to a new mound somewhere far away from their overtaken mound... and sometimes the defeated army would find a new queen... and sometimes the defeated ants would just live out the rest of their lives pretending to have a queen... It was all for our amusement but I had no sense of compassion or empathy for what I had done much as the super being I met outside the earth also had none...

I realized upon awaking that I do not believe this super intelligent being is evil per sey but when we are in perfect balance...we are his children... We do the things he wants for us... He manipulates us and pulls us toward darkness when we are getting too light... When we get too dark... out of balance..... we become attracted to even darker points until we would become absorbed in darkness... and he allows in light... but he needs light points to try and balance out the points that are going dark...

I understood that... upon my return... I was going to be asked to do more things leading those going dark back toward the balance.... of 2/3rds light. I was still this super being's child but that orb of light inside me did not belong to him... it belonged to the light I met in heaven...

I get asked to do things by the light that the super being who controls the earth allows because he knows that he can not let the world become too dark. I understood that if his chess game gets too far out of alignment... too dark... he loses the game he plays against the light I met in heaven... The 100% Light in heaven will only tolerate so much darkness and then shuts down the game the super intelligent being is playing with earth... then it is game over and the super-being' s world turns to light. Game Over means no more separation from the light for those below...

In the last age of the world, I saw the whole world getting very dark... the super being loses control... and then I saw in my NDE the earth... the whole world turning into a much brighter version of itself... light rolling across the planet... It goes on for an age and then... the whole game is finished... the light victorious.. . and then the whole world of the super being explodes into trillions of little pieces... and nothing is ever put in its place... All the way until the end of time... nothing... I saw a still video camera point of view in my NDE of how time went on and on and on.... and nothing....

but the light....

every action of loving kindness... every moment of joy... all of it from every spirit and soul.... is collected and put through a filtering process and becomes who the light is at the end of time... I understand that from all of this...we should be adding to the light...loving kindness and joy... and we should be helping this world change into the last age of light... or as I have read and heard from the Hopi prophets... ushering in the fifth world... I also understood from seeing the earth explode... not to put so much energy into things that will one day die... It is okay to help this world become a brighter place... Our reward for being joyful and loving kind is a reward in this world but it is going to be resisted by the super-being I met if it gets out of balance... but the darkness... its reward is only in this life and it is only punished in this world of time...

I personally do not like being pitted against other spirits and souls... I would prefer to return home but if I am to remain... I want to do as much light as possible... because I know every act of loving kindness and joy lives forever and beyond forever into timelessness. .. but I also need to give myself a break when I do not do loving kindness and joy because the super being who controls this earth set this whole thing up to drag me to that ant pile and manipulate me into warring against my fellow spirits and souls... What I also realized is that most of us are mostly light... red ant or black ant... our spirit and souls are mostly light...

Love, Light, & Joyful Laughter to you and yours,
rudi