I suggest moving on. You already admit that you do not think the relationship will work, and it also sounds like there is not equal support in the relationship. You cannot force a relationship to work and getting married would just make more of a mess with an already sticky situation.

You've been with him since you were 18 or 19. Don't you think you should get out and meet other people? It sounds like he doesn't behave like the rest of his family, and that's good. However, why should you and he have to support his irresponsible family? His parents are people who despite not having money, went ahead and brought another child into this world that they can't support---and that's very wrong. I think your parents are concerned because they know what your life will be like if you marry him.

If you do marry him and end up having to support his parents and brother, it won't be long before you feel (and rightfully so) resentful. What happens if you decide to start your own family and crunch the numbers only to find that the burden of supporting his family means you can't start one of your own?

Yes, it's sad that the one who suffers the most in this is your BF's baby brother. He didn't ask to be brought into this world, but then again, none of us did. It's one thing if you did marry BF and every so often you bought clothes for the baby or at holiday times or birthdays, gifted his parents with a gift card for a supermarket---if you can afford to do this. But to be expected to support people who make bad decisions, is just wrong.

It's time to move on. Be honest with your boyfriend about your concerns. Let him know that it's not either of your jobs to support his family. Tell him it's one thing if his family was normally self-supporting and just hit a rought patch, then helping out is fine. However, permanently supporting people who make irresponsible decisions, is plain wrong. Also, let him know that no matter who he dates, in all likelihood, she will have the same concerns.

If you did marry him, as I mentioned above, it won't be long before you really resent his family. Also, you will start to wonder just what else you missed out on. So, do move on---and all that sh!t you said you put him through? Vow never to do that (whatever it is) to another man.

this is a disaster just around the bend. you see correctly. you answer your own questions after every inquiry. dump the boyfriend, dump the loser parents, dump the entire relationship and run for your life...this is a no-win, constant fights, arguement a day relationship if you marry or even stay with him any further. at your age you should and can do better. this is an easy call...no doubt in my mind.

You don't really seem to love your boyfriend. Too many doubts. And your concerns show a bit of a hutiliarian, materialistic and perhaps a shallow person. I wonder why you've spent so much time with him.

I think you should ask yourself wether you're happy with your boyfriend and if he can make you happy. Are you proud of him? Can you do something more to improve your lives and your financial positions? Can he go back to his studies? Is he enough ambitious to find a well paid job?

About his family, are you sure they can't improve their position? Can your boyfriend help them to stand on their feet?

Also, have you considered him as a father? In that case, would you not consider, for example, his mum giving you a hand to raise your children?

Ask yourself if you really like and love him. If yes, go on, talk to him. If not, don't waste your time and his.

Regards,

Stef.

Questions to ask before you get married


Question 1: What percentage of our income are we prepared to spend to purchase and maintain our home on a monthly or annual basis?

Question 2: Who is responsible for keeping our house and yard cared for and organized? Are we different in our needs for cleanliness and organization?

http://edition.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/08/02/o.marriage.questions/index....


Question 3: How much money do we earn together? Now? In one year? In five years? Ten? Who is responsible for which portion? Now? In one year? Five? Ten?

Question 4: What is our ultimate financial goal regarding annual income, and when do we anticipate achieving it? By what means and through what efforts?

Question 5: What are our categories of expense (rent, clothing, insurance, travel)? How much do we spend monthly, annually, in each category? How much do we want to be able to spend?

Question 6: How much time will each of us spend at work, and during what hours? Do we begin work early? Will we prefer to work into the evening?

Question 7: If one of us doesn't want to work, under what circumstances, if any, would that be okay?

Question 8: How ambitious are you? Are we comfortable with the other's level of ambition?

Question 9: Am I comfortable giving and receiving love sexually? In sex, does my partner feel my love for him or her?

Question 10: Are we satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? How do we cope when our desire levels are unmatched? A little? A lot? For a night? A week? A month? A year? More?

Question 11: Do we eat meals together? Which ones? Who is responsible for the food shopping? Who prepares the meals? Who cleans up afterward?

Question 12: Is each of us happy with the other's approach to health? Does one have habits or tendencies that concern the other (e.g., smoking, excessive dieting, poor diet)?

Question 13: What place does the other's family play in our family life? How often do we visit or socialize together? If we have out-of-town relatives, will we ask them to visit us for extended periods? How often?

Question 14: If we have children, what kind of relationship do we hope our parents will have with their grandchildren? How much time will they spend together?

Question 15: Will we have children? If so, when? How many? How important is having children to each of us?

Question 16: How will having a child change the way we live now? Will we want to take time off from work, or work a reduced schedule? For how long? Will we need to rethink who is responsible for housekeeping?

Question 17: Are we satisfied with the quality and quantity of friends we currently have? Would we like to be more involved socially? Are we overwhelmed socially and need to cut back on such commitments?

Question 18: What are my partner's needs for cultivating or maintaining friendships outside our relationship? Is it easy for me to support those needs, or do they bother me in any way?

Question 19: Do we share a religion? Do we belong to a church, synagogue, mosque or temple? More than one? If not, would our relationship benefit from such an affiliation?

Question 20: Does one of us have an individual spiritual practice? Is the practice and the time devoted to it acceptable to the other? Does each partner understand and respect the other's choices? E-mail to a friend


http://edition.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/08/02/o.marriage.questions/index....

I would marry a woman that I loved, despite her financial situation.

The issue to me is whether or not you love this man.

Being twenty four, you've hardly lived life. If you're smart you'll experience more life before you make such a big decision.



Cheers