Hopinso,

I appreciate any good thoughts and prayers that you or anyone else has for me, and also any assistance that is offered in any way. I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you are having. Sadly, they are shared by many at this time, and people are suffering from incredible despair. Please know that suicide is NEVER the answer, and that there is always a way out of a challenging or dark situation! Do whatever it takes to feel better and see the light at the end of the tunnel, and know that it is NOT an oncoming train! Think about Superman! Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive... Hey, I have even had moments that I felt like I was standing next to kryptonite, and the energy was so strong it nearly pinned me to the floor! Although women can also be Super Heroes, and frankly, we have the power to bring forth life itself so we actually have an edge when it comes to the power of our energy. Women just need to realize this for themselves, and not by into all the ways that we are oppressed. And if any of what I say sounds grandiose or bitchy, then so be it! I could care less! We all need to remember where we come from, and honor the strength of the feminine energy. Just take a look at Nature and you can see it for yourself. Mother Nature is not a force to contend with, and we had all better start realizing this!

I am glad that, in sharing my story, you and others are able to feel gratitude for what you already have. I, too, am grateful to have a roof over my head even if it is not an ideal situation at the moment, and I look for anything that I can to remain positive about. There is always someone who is who is suffering more than we are, and there is always a way that we can extend ourselves to be of assistance. Frankly, I have been most deeply saddened that some of the very people and places that I turned to for help, including a couple of religious institutions (and one being my a former 'alma mater'!), turned me away and left me to fend for myself. I actually got more assistance from a woman in a gas station who offered to take me for lunch and then handed me money and a phone number for a homeless shelter! And our own Webmaster, Dusan, came through for me at a most critical time! The point to this is that, even when and where you least expect it, there is also always a way to rise up from any challenges that you might be facing. You just have to allow the love to keep flowing and completely trust that things will change. And the one thing that is certain in the world of matter is that everything changes! As bleak as anything might seem at the moment, it can all change in an instant! As for me, I KNOW that things are turning around, and that there is a very different life for me on the horizon! And I am taking the steps that I need to in order to manifest this for myself.

As for my different identities at CureZone, I had reasons for each of them, which I don't have the time now to explain. Although, I will say that I never tried to hide who I was, and if you read all my posts carefully you can clearly see that everyone of them was me. Some might wonder why I even spend time on CureZone given my situation. CureZone has been a very significant part of my life in a number of ways, and I use it as a platform to both be of service in any way that I can, and also to gather support (like you have given me), information, and a way to very publicly broadcast myself. And it has also been a great source of comic relief, lol! I am very grateful to Dusan for allowing me the opportunity to be a part of the CureZone community, and my hope is that we all find a cure to whatever is ailing us! I don't concern myself much with those who attempt to undermine me. They are the ones who have the problem, not me! And I utterly trust that the Universe will take care of them appropriately. I only hope that they will come to their senses before they have to suffer too much! I know that there are people who judge me, who think I'm crazy, who laugh at me, and who would relish to see me miserable so that I can join them in their own pity party, and so that they can feel better about themselves. NOPE, SORRY... I WILL NOT OBLIGE THEM! They will just have to find another outlet for their nonsense! Hey, what can I say? I KNOW that the force is with me, lol!

And now, I have to get back to work and put together some more correspondence with some Native American spiritual elders. The Manataka American Indian Council has yet to honor a very simple request that I made, and seems to think that I have all the time in the world to read through volumes of information on their internet site. They, too, offered me prayers on their sacred mountain. And while I am also grateful to them, they don't seem to yet realize that there are major forces at play that are apparently beyond both our comprehensions. I, for one, do not believe in coincidences. And there are simply too many things that line up with my entire life and so many of my experiences to continue to ignore them! How ironic, for example, that I should learn today about the connection with Native Americans, the Mormons, and the fact that my first amendment rights were violated in a 7-Day Adventist Hospital, which is actually an outgrowth of the Mormon religion! And that the attorney that learned of from a 2yo magazine while in the hospital and whom I contacted within the last few days has a strong connection with Sacagawea, a Native American symbol of peace. Or the fact that years ago I found a crystal knife in an antique store that I have recentlybeen told is the instrument of a Native American healer. Or the fact that an eagle feather fell out of the sky in the middle of Chicago, and that I used it for a few years to fan the smoke from a burning smudge stick to purify my environment, not to mention my collection of other bird feathers. Or the fact that I had one of the symbols of Manataka tattooed on my wrist. Or the fact that I received a sign to contact a Sioux Chief when I didn't even know that the Lakota were members of the Great Sioux Nation. Or the fact that Joni Mitchel's song, Lakota, just started playing on my CD player when I asked aloud, "Which tribe am I from?!" when I was spontaneously doing a ritual at home just prior to my hospitalization, and laughing to myself because I reminded myself of a Native American. Or the fact that I had previously attended two sweat lodge ceremonies with a man who was preparing for the Sun Dance, and I have recently learned that this is a Lakota ceremony. Or the fact that my very best friend and soulmate is actually a Native American himself. And I could go on and on and on with all the synchronicities and serendipities that have occurred and are related to this throughout my life. Even my childhood dreams are of significance, and I will share them one of these days after I have described them to the Native American spiritual elders.

Yep, there is no doubt in my mind that these are not mere coincidences that should just be dismissed! And hopefully someone will get the word to Chief Avrol Looking Horse and Kristine Huskey that I need their assistance. This is as much about them as it is about me, and it's rather frustrating that when people just won't listen to me. I suppose I should be used to it by now since I was practically invisible as a child! Although... I WILL NEVER SHUT UP! *lol*