*Update* 
neomi
16 y
2,234
† Cross †
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From my previous two posts about me I think I left out some information for some to follow. Real quick summary: He is a 21 year old church boy with dreams of becoming a music engineer. Hasnt had sex for 2 years and is looking for love in all the right places. Then I came along and we have been dating for two months. He asked me to be his girl and I said No b/c I rather get to know him first as to rushing into the romance. We take things very slow and just started peck kissing here and there for quite some time but just last Sunday things got hot and heavy and I gave him a blowjob. he wanted to do me in return but I backed out b/c I felt cheap and not wanted by him.
((All in my head)) He still likes me and loves me and wants to be my boyfriend.
OK SO HERE IS THE PART I LEFT OUT ABOUT HIM
*He attends a really good music school that connects him to A-list music executives, producers, singers, musicians, etc. right now he is working on a project w/ the owner of major label Universal Records. The owner is like his "mentor" and really wants him to get on his team to show him the ropes in the music biz and get his OWN label n' stuff. The owner/mentor also said that HE SHOULDNT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND and drills this in his head ALL THE TIME. He said GIRLRIENDS are trouble especially if your trying to get in the music biz.
Last night him and I talked and he brought that up again and blah blah blah. My STUPID INSECURE ways said to him " maybe we should cool it" and he replied "Huh?, where is this coming from?" I dont knw why I said.I think i need a reality slap in the face and realize i have someone who WANTS me & asked me to to be by his side during his music biz journey.
WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY IS I REALLY DONT WANT TO JUMP INTO SOMETHING I CAN NOT HANDLE AND I CAN ADMIT THAT BUT I REALLY HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM ISSUES. HOW CAN SOMEONE LIKE MYSELF BUILD CONFIDENCE ??- Re: *Update* gilda
16 y
1,875
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,118,265The only way one can have self-esteem is to build a life you're proud of, not depend on relationships for your happiness. You are giving a lot of mixed messages about whether or not you really want a relationship; one minute you want a way to "capture" his heart...the next you push him away.
You probably don't want to believe this, but it is a sign you're not ready for a relationship yet. Sure, we all want "love", but you're not ready to reciprocate, by your own words. Too many women are in love with love, sacrificing everything for a fleeting feeling.
Build self-esteem by doing something that makes you proud of who you are, not dependant on a man's approval or love. Then you'll feel worthy of love. When you are busy living your own life, that's when the right one comes knocking...and perhaps you'll like yourself enough by then to accept him.- Re: *Update* neomi
16 y
1,812
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This is a reply to # 1,118,271My insecurities stuck with me all through highschool & I always thought I wudnt find anyone. I guess you say I was that ugly duckling that blossom after highschool...Lol
Things changed then and ever since Ive gained somewhat confidence but not 100% it does take time and thinking. Its weird but I DO WANT HIM but this damn REJECTION insecurity just wont GO AWAY. *sigh*
I really want to overcome this- Re: *Update* gilda
16 y
1,880
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,118,273REPEAT: the only way to build your self-esteem is by DOING! It's nice you blossomed after high school as the ugly duckling, but DON'T get your "confidence" from your new-found attractiveness. It will disappear as quickly as it came.
I still don't hear you addressing the real YOU; what are you doing with your life that excites YOU? makes you proud of YOU? Give your life meaning besides dating. That's the way to self-esteem.- Re: *Update* neomi
16 y
1,710
This is a reply to # 1,118,283well honestly these past two years ive been nothing but depressed. my grandmother died from cancer and she was like a second mother to me. It hit me hard and I truly disconnected myself from EVERYONE. I honestly started going back out n' stuff.
She was my FIRST death and i guess I dont know how to handle it. Im tearin up as I type this because her death was thrown on top of my occasional depression/stress. Thats why i guess i want him in my life but I feel at times I NEED TO GET MYSELF TOGETHER first u know?
Most 22 year olds party till the wheels fall off and I havent been the same since my grandmothers death. before I use to go to parties and hang out with friends. Now i dont really have much friends. I guess you can say I have 3 CLOSE friends. Its hard for me to socialize, open up. People including my mom doesnt know what I go through. They see me somewhat happy at times but inside im crying...On a Good Note,I got a new job which will give me working hours which im happy because I want to be a License Vocational Nurse and this job relates to it.
I dont know how to get back on that "hump" before my grandmothers death. Even my mother thought something cud be wrong with me. I really want to draw closer to God and find myself. The guy im talking to grandmother past away also so we both can relate.- Re: *Update* neomi
16 y
1,671
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This is a reply to # 1,118,301wow u just broke me down right now...Lol
This is like therapy or something
- Re: *Update* gilda
16 y
1,878
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This is a reply to # 1,118,303I know you're a sweet, lovely person...YOU have to believe it, too. Seems like you want to help people; ever think of volunteering? I know it's a stretch when you are young...it's party time! But life can be long and it's not too early to think about what you can do that will satisfy you just doing it, getting lost in it, whether it be creating art, acting out politically, helping the disadvantaged, discovering the cure for cancer...ok, not necessary to make such a huge mark!
Just treat yourself like you would any other worthy person and soon you will convince yourself. Sometimes you have to pretend you are a new, improved version of yourself to throw the old hang-ups aside.- Re: *Update* candida123
16 y
1,948
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This is a reply to # 1,118,318Thanks!! Someone told me the same thing about pretending to be NEW you that way the OLD will diminish. I think i need to start working on that huh? Lol
Thank you, you have been alot of help. I highly appreciate it:)- Re: *Update* gilda
16 y
1,742
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This is a reply to # 1,118,322There's an old book called "psycho-cybernetics", which is basically proves how much of who we are is in our own minds and perceptions. We get stuck on old experiences we obsess about and think ourselves losers. If we can erase those perceptions - even by just pretending they're not there - we just START behaving more healthily. Kind of fooling the mind deliberately for a good cause!- Re: *Update* neomi
16 y
1,663
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
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This is a reply to # 1,118,333THANK YOU THANK YOU.
tomorrow i will go to the library and seek self-confidence building and something similiar to what you posted books to read on my down time. Thank you so so much.- Gilda neomi
16 y
1,681
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
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Dental work and fillings, not a problem.
This is a reply to # 1,118,347You know what you actually had me thinking outside my box today. I am thinking possibly volunteering work in the summer. SOmething I never thought I would come across my mind.
Thanks!- Re: Gilda gilda
16 y
1,751
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
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Dental work and fillings, not a problem.
This is a reply to # 1,118,666I'm so glad to hear it. The search for one's self is lifelong, but at least you have a head start. Keep us informed!
- Re: Gilda gilda
16 y
1,751
- Gilda neomi
16 y
1,681
- Re: *Update* neomi
16 y
1,663
- Re: *Update* gilda
16 y
1,742
- Re: *Update* candida123
16 y
1,948
- Re: *Update* gilda
16 y
1,878
- Re: *Update* neomi
16 y
1,671
- Re: *Update* neomi
16 y
1,710
- Re: *Update* gilda
16 y
1,880
- Re: *Update* neomi
16 y
1,812
- How to get self confidence? roooth
16 y
1,834
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
Clarkia Extra Strong
Clarkia Tincture 2 oz, 4 oz, 8 oz, and 16 oz
Mercury Detox
Dental work and fillings, not a problem.
This is a reply to # 1,118,265Practice. Practice being confident.
And you can develop yourself and your thinking of yourself. I can recommend books that I particularly liked for my own development, or you can search for books yourself that will enlighten you, but you or someone "like yourself" can be self assured and confidence. Start with practice and keep working at it, use resources. It is worth it, I promise. :)
- Re: *Update* gilda
16 y
1,875
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