Hi. I have a lad of 16, and two girls, 15 and 11. I can sympathise with you and your daughter. It's not always easy. A freind of mine has said she often feels like leaving home, her children are making her life awful. I didn't have a very good relationship with my Mum, and my Dad died when I was 17. My brother who was 14 went off the rails. He started stopping out all night, drinking heavily, and if it was cider, could get violent. My Mum didn't know what to do, so she just retreated into her shell, went out a lot, and ate a lot of chocolates (her 'cure' for anything). I suppose, in a way, this has helped me. I have seen how NOT to be a parent, and have a great (most of the time) relationship with my kids, and a better one with my Mum, now I know that she was probably depressed.

I recognise in the post above, about disagreeing with everything, sometimes I'm sure, just for the sake of it. I have this with my daughter. Often I know she thinks I'm uncool, know nothing, etc. But I also know that this doesn't matter too much, I'm her Mum, and I'm me. I'll give her my advice (for what its worth). Then I've done my bit. I cannot and wouldn't want to enforce my beliefs onto her.

Her relationship with her Dad is a bit more fraught. He doesn't understand that much, and they rub each other up the wrong way at times. I let them sort it out as far as possible, but sometimes have to step in to help sort things out.

She has taken to dyeing her hair red, and wearing black almost gothic clothes. Her room is a tip, and sometimes she goes for days without washing her hair.

One thing I make sure my kids know, and that is that I love them. No matter what. I was never sure of this myself growing up, and it causes a lot of problems.

Motivating a "unmotivated kid"... First of all are u sure they are unmotivated.. or maybe they are trying but they just cant get it.. or maybe something is going on in their life which you dont know about and thats causing them to do bad in school.. have u just confronted them or have you actually talked about it calmly and tried to find out whats going on.. As kids grow older their social lives take a bigger role then school so i suggest you look somewhere there to find the answer to your problem.. But hey my friend drew gets paid when he aces a class... Theres some motivation any kid would love.