So, how does one know how to accept ... 
mamahuhu
17 y
3,018
I'd love to know the answer to this question.
I've become commit-a-phobic. I'm 57 years old now, still attractive, getting healthier by the day, consider myself a great catch, but don't even want to date at all. 3 marriages gone already, hate to take a chance on #4.
I am a manager in a restaurant and this guy keeps coming in, has for at least 6 months now, is obviously smitten with me, but has been very fearful of trying to make a date with me. I've been of no help to him much.
He tried to ask me for my phone number but there were a lot of other customers coming to me at the same time and I couldn't even respond to him. He used to come in once a month, and now he comes in twice a week and brings his son (an adult) in with him.
The time before he came in today he said to me, "I am wanting to save up some money so I can ask you out". Like I care about money, but he doesn't know that. Anyway, I responded to him with, "are you married, do you have a girlfriend?" and he said no and no, and asked me the same, and I said no and no. customers again came and interrupted our conversation.
Today he came in again and when I wasn't busy, he came up to me and said, "Hi, my name is Bill", and so I said, "Hi, my name is Linda", and I stuck my hand out to shake his hand, and he did, and I sort of thought his handshake was sort of weak, or else sort of gentle. I don't know which. anyway, it ended well. As he left the place he said, "I'm really glad I got to be introduced to you formally." I had to laugh at that. "formally?" I thought to myself. I don't care about formally.
Anyway, I'm not sure he is even my sort of guy that I like, he has longish hair and I like a close cropped sort of hair cut. He has a big mustashe, and I don't, lol.
But, there is something I sort of like about him anyway. Just a sort of something.
He wears clothing that is sort of motorcycle like, and usually shorts or jeans, which is okay. You know, t-shirts related to bikes. But, he doesn't even seem like the biker type. But, he seems to be such a gentle guy, but his voice is strongish, not overly so.
So, what do you think? lol. I gave up men and dating years ago, and have been very happy since. Not sure I want to rock my life again upside down with a guy or not.
On the other hand, this guy is so smitten with me, that I hate to break his heart and think after at least 6 months that I ought to give him a chance. What do you think guys?
Mamahuhu
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- Re: So, how does one know how to acc... pocoloco
17 y
2,873
This is a reply to # 1,021,974First of all it great that you seem to have terrific attitude towards your own age just seems your'e at a good place with yourself.
Now here's my advice DONT go out with him simply out of pity you wont be doing either of you a favor.With him of you go out with him out of pity and you know u dnt like him then ur wasting his time its better his feelings now than playing with his feelings.As for you, you feel pity for him go out with him becareful of getting caught up in a game where you were hesitant then just went along with it just to or out of pity but the u later end up being caught up then getting hurt you know that when men decide they rarely ever have this pity thing like us so dont do things out of pity.
However it looks to me like a part of you is curious well the hide and seek games wont cut it.You wont loose anything to satisfy your curiosity and just hang out with him and figure out what he's about.Next time he comes to the restaurant apologise that your'e busy you dont mran to cut him off rather if he'd like heres your card he shold call you when your'e not busy.Just have fun the whole thing about COMMITMENT PHOBIA is what your'e doing prejudging and deliberating on what will happen and why it wont work.In your head youv'e already worked out the logistics but try to just let things work themseles out and if anything you might get a freind out of it.Keep us posted
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- Re: So, how does one know how to acc... mamahuhu
17 y
2,663
This is a reply to # 1,021,988Well, actually you just confused me all the more.
lol, I'm always confused about these things anyway.
I don't think I pity this guy. I just think that he's made such an effort over such a long period of time that I ought to give him a chance.
I kind of like him even though I don't think he is my type. But I don't really know what my type is.
there is just something about him that I like.
He seems to be a gentleman, which I truly appreciate. His looks don't reflect that entirely, but his mannerisms do.
I am just not sure what to do. I don't want to go out with him and then break his heart, and I don't want to get my heart broken either.
- Re: So, how does one know how to acc... pocoloco
17 y
2,703
This is a reply to # 1,021,995sorry for cofusing you lol!!!
You sai it though, your'e a commitment phobic and you are exhibiting the symptoms ie in your mind your'e already calculating everything and thinking it wont work out and then basically giving urself somewhat of an out as to why u maybe shouldnt pursue this thing further therefore you remain safe and never have to commit to anyone.
But heres what I'm saying thinking it all in your head is not helping ACTIONS will answer your qustions go out and figure out something fun for guys to do I bet you after hanging out a lot of your questions will be answered.Also let him know your fears when you feel its the right timing.Get to know what he's about right now ur just assuming and you know what they say about assumptions.- Re: So, how does one know how to acc... mamahuhu
17 y
2,946
This is a reply to # 1,021,997Haha, you are so funny, I have no idea of what you are trying to say.
could this be a symptom of mine of not understanding men at all? I think so.
You think that I am thinking of going out with this guy with the intention of dumping him shortly?
You couldn't be more wrong.
No, wait, maybe you are right. I am terrified of you guys, having a real relationship with any of you.
I do know that about myself. So, I'm trying to figure out if I should go out with this guy knowing that about myself. Is it fair to him?
This is pitiful, but I have a hard time thinking that guys actually really have geniune feelings. I know that some of you all do, but having been married to a NPD, it's just hard for me to imagine.
This is something I need to work on.
- Re: So, how does one know how to acc... pocoloco
17 y
2,724
This is a reply to # 1,021,999Hi I'm actually a chic too but im a tomboy was raised by a single dad who raised me like a boy more than a girl.in high school never dated guys cause they were my friends and i really didnt see anything in them and also saw how they were dogging their girls. Now as an adult still hang out with guys I'm an engineering student and its mostly guys in my classes we have to study together etc so lot of male energy in my life and hell I dont trust guys in the relationship dept but guess what I'm no better than the guys either I'm totally full of bull**** when it comes to relationships just wasting their time.So I only started dating around 19/20 after high school and for me it was all games double crossing guys etc things I guess my guy friends did and it was cool then unfortunatley arond 23/24 the game caught up with me I ended up in a messy situation I freakin wasted this guys time 2 yrs with lies and stupid games and ended up hurting myself too cause when i realised what i did hurt him I really cldnt forgive myself I hated myself for it and completley withdrew from life(other challenges I was facing so it just piled up in one go and I had a nervous breakdown eating disorder worsened etc I kinda stopped living and was just functioning)Now I just took a semester off to confront all my demons cause I cldnt go thru life feeling as numb or empty as I was, slowly I'm melting down and forgiving myself I'm ready to move on.So its from these experiences of having missed out on life being depressed that I'm telling you life is too short to sit around and wonder what ifs grab life by the horns and just live it.Living it is taking ACTIONS go out with this guy to figure the answer to your questions thats the the only way theyll be answered please just have fun with this new love interest dont take things too seriously believe things have a way of sorting themselves out.
I have another month or 2 of working thru my demons reach my goal weight cause thats another big place of conflict for me (the eating disorder/weight because i believe in perfection and average weight is not good for me so if I can just get to where I'm comfortable I'll be ready to go out there ans start living)and afterwards im putting the past behind and seriously living life to its fullest no more hesitations i think we are our own enemies holding ourselves back.
So I say girl when this man comes around tell him it'll probably be getting busy soon w customers and you feel bad that he gets inturrupted each time with customers so heres your card why doesnt give you a call sometime.This way it doesnt really appear as tho you trying cause you giving him the control of whether he wants to call youre not the one pursuing men like to be the ones to chase not really the other way.So go for it and have fun with it.
- Re: So, how does one know how to acc... pocoloco
17 y
2,724
- Re: So, how does one know how to acc... mamahuhu
17 y
2,946
- Re: So, how does one know how to acc... pocoloco
17 y
2,703
- Re: So, how does one know how to acc... mamahuhu
17 y
2,663
- Re: So, how does one know how to acc... pocoloco
17 y
2,873
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