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13....thoughts.....
God please strengthen me in this time of weakness to continue towards my goal. Help me to get past these temptations and to find peace in the things that I do, including solitude. Let these times make me stronger and wiser and better overall.
Date: 9/15/2007 5:11:03 PM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 2210 times Today I just feel ++++++++++++tired.....I haven't been able to do much just sleep.....God strengthen me to make it through this weekend....and I feel hungry like I want to eat something, everything. Like last night my friend and I were at a cafe I ordered steamed tea and she was getting a sandwich. As I waited for her in line it was like the baked goods were just calling me. I wanted something so badly...just a taste, but deep inside I know its not good for me, even if I wasn't fasting. But I do miss pizza and french fries, coffee with cream and coffee whitener. I miss peanut butter and chocolate (yum!) I miss ham and cheese sandwiches and cookies, I miss ethnic food and dining, I miss apple pie and muffins.....:)sigh.....
Now is a time of healing for my body. Filling it with good things allowing it to cleanse and purify itself so I can remain healthy. God please strengthen me in this time of weakness to continue towards my goal. Help me to get past these temptations and to find peace in the things that I do, including solitude. Let these times make me stronger and wiser and better overall.
I'm SOOO bored right now sitting here typing on this thing. I've been invited to a party and also a concert. If I go to the party I may be tempted to drink and then this fast is over. If I go to the concert, afterwards when everyone goes out to eat, how do I explain not eating?? (I'd rather not explain my fast at that point to critical ears)....My other options are sitting at home watching a movie I rented, maybe going for a walk later then calling it an early night, or going to see a movie alone.
This fast is really important and I don't want to jeporadize it for anything. At the same time, I feel lonely tonight and would love to be around other people instead of just staying at home. I think if I knew I could go to either venue and just chill out then I would. I just don't want to wake up tomorrow with any regrets and the only way to ensure that is not to go.
What I really want is to be with P. I can't believe how much I miss him. I've decided to just forget about him and move on also bringing the entire situation in prayer to God and leaving it with him. If I don't do this, my heart hurts every time I think about him and I could literally get sick from the heartache.....The situation is funny. I don't want him to know how much I miss him, I don't want him to know how much I care about him and want to know him. I don't want him to know how much he has effected me for the little that he has shared of himself with me. I guess I feel desperate?? I know that's not true because in the process there have been many people I could be with. But its always him, in the back of my mind and in my heart. My thoughts of him are nuisance, like an itch that can't be relieved. Its so bothersome and can't be remedied.....
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