Day 38

I was listening to a David Wolfe lecture this evening. He said that honey is the most enzymatically rich food on the planet. That was all I needed to send me running to the store. I have been off of it for a long time. In my defense, it is liquid… sort of. And Pythagorus practically lived on the stuff.

Still cold and tired and wanting to eat solids again. I had a huge mouthful of dulse to get some minerals. I know it’s less of a purists juice fast, but I am not trying to be a purist, i am trying to become pure. I keep reading material that says that juice is THE most concentrated form of pure nutrition that you can consume. So i keep on with it.

Stats - weight 159, abdominal girth 32, pulse 60.

I had a thought the other day. Perhaps time seems to pass more and more quickly for us as we age because when we are children we learn to associate the passage of time with growth. As we age, we may not notice the passing of time because we have failed to continue to grow.

Day 40

Today I am at an all time low both physically, emotionally… maybe even spiritually. I am experiencing fear. Fear that i will continue to lose weight get weaker, get uglier and more gaunt. My cheeks are very sunken. I have no spunk. Mind is dull, movements are slow. Emotional crud from my past is coming to the surface. Memories of a man I have yet to forgive coupled with the evil thoughts i had entertained against him.

I want to eat some baked macaroni and cheese. I want to be strong and cheerful and full of life and light. It seems my world is getting darker.

I am planning on going to the cabin tomorrow. I believe I am entering a very deep level of purification. I know how to slow it down. i could blend an avocado or banana into my juice. Instead, i think i will go to the cabin and just do water for a day or two. i remember last time i went I needed no food. Perhaps it would increase the intensity and speed of this phase of the cleanse. I feel a bit like Gandalph when he fell with that huge demon/dragon thing in Lord of the Rings. I have been given the opportunity to face my demons face on. If I can maintain my faith long enough, I am hopeful i will come out of this stronger and cleaner and of more benefit to my fellows.

As I have said before, i don’t believe fasting makes you in the least bit more spiritual. I think of it as just a way to empty the room of all its furniture. Now there is now couch to hide behind when the hairy monsters come out of the closet.

Day 41

I bought some pH paper and have been testing my morning urine and saliva after eating certain foods. The strange thing is the scale only goes up to 8 (very alkaline) at a dark green color and down to 6 (very acid) at a light yellow . I keep registering purple. Off the scale?

Just had a huge, sinking pile of feces move out of me a few moments ago. The fact that it sank made me think it was different from my normal deposits that don’t quite float or sink but just kinda remain suspended. This one today definitely sank very quickly.

I have recently felt the call of lacinato kale, the blue one. Dr Walker says that this, as with cabbage is good for breaking out old stuff in the digestive tract.

I have been getting organic stuff lately which, here in Vancouver/Portland is usually twice the cost. Yesterday i bought some celery, carrots, and spinach, all organic.

This morning’s plans include juicing spinach, dandelion, carrots, celery and heading to the mountains for some Oliver creek water and clean air for a three day weekend. Hope to leave some of the dead me up there and return after the new year with good news of hope and light. Have a great new year.

Day 43

The trip to the cabin was refreshing. I fired up the sauna, heated up, and dunked in the creek. I drank coconut water and creek water and had energy enough to ramble up and down the mountain for hours.

I finished David Wolfe’s sunfood book. It was very informative and inspirational. I also started reading a book on meditation. The thing I love about the book is also that which i hate about it. It’s so structured! It goes so far as to tell you which prayer to memories and how fast to repeat it over and over for exactly 30 minutes. Not longer, as that could be dangerous. Hmmm. Well, I shall finish it, if I can, and remember that everyone has a contribution to make. So, today I “meditated” for 30 minutes. In actuality, I spent much of the time realing my mind back in from its wanderings. The book says that that is ok and part of the process, especially at first.

I should also confess that today I ate more seaweed than is allowed on this juice feast. I was so craving it. I found that if I poured some flax oil on dulse, the texture and flavor was amazing. I decided that I am not trying to gain bragging rights here, I am trying to become my best self. Gela, my good friend who is doing this thing with me all the way down in Costa Rica, told me i might get good results from adding oil to my daily intake. So I added it to my dulse. Then did it again. And again. Ok lots of times. I did it until it tasted like i was done. I am not going to start eating or anything, I just felt like I needed the oil and the minerals.

Day 44

On day 42 when I returned from the cabin, I measured my urine pH and got an acidic reading around 6.0. This morning it is back up to 7.8 - 8.0. I believe this temporary drop in pH may have been caused by the abundance of by products of cellular breakdown flowing through my vascular system caused by low calorie input coupled with high calorie output.

My pulse is 60 bpm, abdominal girth is just under 32, energy level is good, spirits are stable.

Yesterday I began thinking about the amalgam fillings in my mouth so i looked them up and was surprised to find that there are whole countries in Europe who have outlawed their use in dentistry. I also looked into the signs and symptoms of mercury toxicity. Did you know that “silver” fillings are actually over 50% mercury? No wonder i’ve been acting like such a %¤#&!§- these past few decades lol!

So I started thinking maybe someday i should look into getting these things removed, after all, why spend the extra money on organic food when the poisons they spray on the veggies aren’t nearly as toxic as mercury, an element that I have been getting a straight and steady oral, and sublingual dose of for many, many years.

I figured I’d mozy around and research the details and save up the thousands of dollars it would take, and maybe in three or four years I would get serious about it. Well, I looked up a dentist just for fun, to see how many thousands it would cost to do the deed. She told me it was $180.00 to get a complete evaluation and plan. The fillings would cost between $150-$300 each to have them removed. And by the way, you can pay us over 12 months interest free… and we have an appointment cancellation for tomorrow at 9:00 AM.

So that is where I will find myself tomorrow morning. I can see 5 or 6 fillings when I look in the mirror and I have a gold crown that needs to be removed. So that means at the most it will probably only be around 3-4 thousand. The taste of metal really starts to become evident when I am fasting due to the heightened sensitivity of my taste buds. And now that i am thinking about it, like when you think of ants and start getting itchy, it is really intense.

I have really felt guided by the Spirit in this. It is not something that I have been obsessing about, but it just feels right to me, and the timing is making its own way and presenting me with the idea on its own. I will flow with it in faith that it is the loving hands of my heavenly parents leading me ever homeward.

The other mind filling thought of today is cabin construction. I have it placed in me to build a cleansing center in the middle of Washington state. Part of the plan that is the construction of many micro-cabins that will be used for fasting, meditation, solitude… basically a place to detox from the mental, spiritual and physical poisons found in the man made world. My goal has been to build these things very small and very organically incorporating form with function to best facilitate healing. Then i discovered cob just yesterday and am looking into a workshop to see if it is going to fit the bill. I know this much already, it would be hard to find another building system that feels more organic and allows such creativity of design.

Blessings to you all this evening. Thank you for your interest in my path. I hope you find it inspiring. Not that I am so amazing. I just have a drive to go to an amazing place and am seeing that i have little to lose… so why not push hard?

May this collection of blurbs challenge you to take your next big step… whatever that step may be. Do it!!

Day 45

Amalgum removal is expensive. I got a price from a dentist here in Portland and the total bill will be over $5,000.00. This includes removal of all amalgam, repair of 2 cavities and periodontal cleaning. I am considering just having the amalgam removed and waiting to see if my teeth will naturally regenerate from having such a clean diet. I am also considering going to Costa Rica to have the work done as I have heard that Costa Rica is known for their quality workmanship in dentistry and low cost. Does anyone have experience with the long term effects of the raw food diet on teeth?

Day forty something - Long past the half way point of this here fasting project. I have experienced quite a few changes. My body is so much more able to feel nourished on so little.

I had a show at the bookstore, spending time with my kiddies after that. We are headed for the cabin today after juice.

I discovered hydrogen peroxide yesterday. Wow. It really cleans your mouth. I felt it tingling and bubbling under my gums, on my tongue, nooks and crannies that seldom get disturbed.
I am so interested to notice how my body is changing and adapting to this new way of acquiring nutrition. I just haven’t gotten hungry in the same way as before. These past few days, especially after hitting the half way point, I have really moved into a different level. I’m still not feeling like working out much. I did some pushups the other day. Haven’t been doing the yoga or running. My mind wants to, but my body is telling me to rest while it is doing deeper and deeper cleansing.

Last night I bought Jack-in-the-Box meals for the kiddies. The smell filled the car. I had very little juice yesterday -only a quart of oj a pint and a half of celery-cucumber-kale-ginger-apple and a quart of spinach-coconut at that point. The smell from the fast food had so much less appeal than 2 weeks ago. It smelled artificial to me, and stale. And dead. I was so ok not to be munching away on a death sandwich with them. I do hope tha someday in the future they are able to see how detrimental that stuff is for them and move away from it.

Spiritually I feel I have reached a new plateau. A more peaceful place. Some of the monsters have been dealt with. Plenty more I’m sure, but God has designed nature in such a sane way that I am being offered a respite from the battle for a little while.

Aaaaahhhhh….It is nice to just breathe a little and enjoy the view. Emotionally i am much more plyable. Last night on the way to the show I could easily get my heart into the spiritually sensitive mode. Joy wells over me when I am preparing for a show. I really love sharing my music live with a crowd.

Day 49

Just got back from the mountains. For food, I took oranges only with a little hand juicer. It was enough. When I got home I was definitely ready for more so i whipped up a batch of celery-apple-ginger-aloe. I blended the aloe in after and then strained it. The aloe really made it smooth.

Now it’s time to do my greens but I am procrastinating. I don’t really feel like greens but I know it’s what I need. I am still having bowel movements on day 49! How can this be?

This story should give you a chuckle. Remember I discovered the amazing effects of hydrogen peroxide on my gums? So I thought this might do amazing things in my neti pot. Man o man! I thought the top of my head was gonna pop off. Like the horseradish type burn times 10. But how clear were my sinuses.

Day 50

I just posted my photos of the progression of my face as I move along with this fast. When I got finished I went back and watched them in order. A flood of emotion welled up in me as i got to todays pic, day 50. i wept. Not for pure sadness… per-se. A strange mixture of gratitude, regret, and joy.

I had not noticed how dramatic the changes had been in such a short time. I am grateful, of course. But the sadness is there too. why had no-one told me. Why had i not discovered this earlier. How much pain I could have spared myself.

Perhaps we are not meant to age as we have been taught. We see that everyone we know gets ugly and wrinkly and weak as they pull into their 60s. What if it isn’t from years alone. What if we’re just getting clogged up.

Here’s to unclogging…

Day 51

Physically, I feel like the floor dropped out from under me this afternoon. I feel like a wet rag. Is something going wrong with this fast? Am i missing something? Or is this yet another stage of detox? Maybe I am spiritually too undeveloped to live on juice.

I have no energy and no courage to even think about the future. I keep waiting for the breakthrough to happen. For the clarity and bounding energy to begin building up in me. I am starting to wonder. Something’s got to give.

I find that I am being drawn back into escapisms that formerly sheltered me from the pain of life. Fortunately, I see them for what they are and am choosing not to indulge these temptations.

Going deeper with the hope that this will finally get better. Curling up into a tiny ball now.

Day 54

Okay, I’m feeling so much better physically. I spoke with Jon Rose, a juice fasting coach, and after describing my lack of energy he recommended increasing my caloric intake. I did, and he was right. Energy and strength have returned.

Emotionally, I have had a miserable time for the past few days. I have been bombarded with feelings of inadequacy, guilt, remorse, and anger. I am realizing that I evaluate the worth of myself and others based on performance. I am seeing a glimpse of the root of repeating symptoms that have plagued me for a long time.

Day 55

It was encouraging to read the fruitarian one’s interview from the bulletin board. To hear yet another confirmation that during the cleansing phase of detox, you ain’t gonna be too beautiful. I was pretty touch and go there last week and wondered if I should quit this juice fast prematurely. I have began to feel better over the past 2 days.

I weigh around 155, abdominal circumference 32.5, pulse 56.

Craving pizza tonight.

Day 56

As i was selecting a movie to go see with my bro I watched several trailers. As i watched this one http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/freedomwriters/trailer1/ from the movie Freedom Writers, I was caught up for a moment in the life of these young people’s gangster world.

I was tempted at first to feel pity for the real lives these characters portrayed, and then, unexpectedly, I began to feel love for them and the life they are living. They too are sparks of God exploring what it is like to live in a hostile community. I was not happy or sad about their situation. I was excited that they were. Pleased to bask in the thought of their existence.

As I thought about the characters in the story I also thought back to yesterday when while walking in the downtown area of Portland I walked past two rough looking young men that looked like pimps. As I passed by, one of them angrily said into his cell phone ‘Those b*tches don’t know what the f*ck they’re doing!!’ I was thinking to myself what a different world these men lived in than the one I was currently experiencing.

As I reflected on these two men again today I was able to catch a glimpse of the beauty they possess. They are in their stage of development. It is exactly where they belong. They would get nothing out of being me. They were sent here to be themselves. They too are beautiful.

I’m not sure how to blend this experience of non-judgement into the expression of myself that is feeling called to help others take their next big step. Perhaps it is in acknowledging that there are two truths coinciding together. The unalterable beauty present in all creatures coupled with their need to be headed home.

Day 58

I had a great energy filled day today. I spent the morning reading Julia Butterfly Hill’s book about Luna the redwood tree and reading various articles on the internet. Then late morning I decided that it was not mandatory that my kitchen be such a disorganized mess. i started in on it and as i progressed i thought of something Melissa Mango, manager of Terra Bella, a raw food restaurant near Santa Monica, told me one night when I was scarfing down order after order of luscious food. She mentioned that she uses dishwashing as a meditation. Hmmm? Really?

So I worked on projects one at a time making sure that each one was done with care till completion. I threw out the “time is money” attitude that leads to rushing. It felt very peaceful. i could focus. As one job neared completion another would make itself apparent. Several hours later I had thoroughly cleaned my kitchen and bath. As the evening passed on, the bath tub found itself with a spanking new bead of caulk around it’s perimeter. A new light bulb appeared in place of the one that had burned out several weeks ago. Aaaaaaahhhh…. so much peace. Having order is a tension reliever.

Tomorrow I do the bedroom and living room. If all goes well i hope to get the recording equipment out and lay down some tracks. i wonder if this meditative way of working is transferable to other activities such as… recording?

Day 59

As i finished Julia Butterfly’s book this morning, I decided to Google her to see what trouble she’s been getting into lately. Lots, I found out. But I get the sense that she is a shining example of letting go of attachments and chasing the dreams in your heart with the faith of a child. Go Julia!

As I was doing my search I ran into some photos of American soldiers torturing Iraqi prisoners of war. I had seen the photos before but felt a sense of duty to peer into this dark side of our existence. An hour later I was breaking in pain as my cries filled my apartment. I was so ashamed. Not that the soldiers were from my homeland. I was ashamed that they were of my species. As I gazed at picture after picture I became painfully aware that i was both the torturer and the tortured. I want to run away. I want to claim that the men and women who do such dastardly deeds are nothing like me. They are ‘monsters.’

I have been reading a page about awakening consciousness in each of our chakras. This sounds very etheric on the surface. The author explained it in very simple terms that helped me understand it better. To become more conscious we must simply stop denying the truth about ourselves. So here is my step in that direction. It is true that the same ‘monsters’ that live in the men and women who shamed us all, also live in each of us. It is true that if we decide to, we can feed those monsters and appear more and more like them. Thankfully, it is also true that we do not have to. We can choose by an act of our will, by denying ourselves of the quick fix, to feed that which helps us to return to the true nature of our highest selves. This, to me, is why we are here.

I am in San Jose Costa Rica and it has not been convenient to blog. The mercury has been taken out, thanks to Dr. Meza, and I have had some clay treatments to help suck the poison out of me. Feeling a bit home sick and powerless here. No car, no computer, can’t speak the language, can’t find my way around. More later.

Here is a typical days supply of foods waiting to be juiced and introduced to the cells of my body. I think I should make a card to hand to people with this photo and the phrase “This is where I get my protein.”

Day 75

My apologies for the break in blogging. I was away in Costa Rica having my amalgam fillings replaced with plastic. The dental team there did a wonderful job. I am so glad to be home. Costa Rica was beautiful but Dorothy was so right. I found it challenging to juice while away because the organic produce in this country is very limited. They have discovered the American way of farming and now everyone there does it.

I went to the gym today and did a mild workout of all the major muscle groups. It felt good to be in the gym again though it revealed the undeniable truth that I am pitifully weaker than I was before going raw. When I saw myself in the mirror I was so pleased that I started laughing. Less paisty is the best way of describing the difference I see in the mirror. I am pleased.

Around day 68 I began adding avocados to my juicy diet. It was not in the original plan but I discovered they were high in glutothione, an amino acid/glycopeptide that is key to escorting freed mercury out of the body. To the avocados I added lime juice and garlic cloves. Come to find out the garlic is very high in sulphur and plays a key role in mercury detox.
I was pleased to find an article today revealing a deep truth about detox. I will post it here:

Rule ..7: for each unresolved psycho-emotional conflict there is an aliquot of toxic material stored in the body
Whenever a conflict is successfully resolved, an even amount of toxic material can be easily released from the body. Vice versa, for each amount of mercury (or other toxins) released from the body, psycho-emotional material surfaces that has to be aknowledged, understood and processed! Failure to be aware of and help to resolve these issues is the most common reason for difficulties, side effects and crises during a detox program. Each toxin stored has a specific set of unresolved emotional and spiritual issues, that were responsible in trapping the toxin in the first place. Advanced spiritual masters have been able to drink poison and not be affected by it.

The most profound mercurial issue is a lack of connection to God . In Greek mythology Mercury was the messenger who communicated between humans and god.

The forces that would like to you to keep the mercury in your mouth or in your body are the same forces that benefit from you feeling disconnected from god (and therefore craving god- substitutes like money, cars, entertainment, excitement etc.)

Day 76

I distinctly felt the call of the universal spirit yesterday to get my house in order. This message seems to not be directed solely at my hovel but seems to be vibrating with global implications. It all starts with your underwear drawer.

Organizing your socks and getting rid of the things in your life that are not serving you is where the journey back begins. Allegorically it spreads to the crevices in your heart and soul. Places that are left unseen until the day the refrigerator gets pulled out and WHOA! look at the mess that’s back there. I was wondering where that smell was coming from.

Life’s annoying little details that pull us from our creative potential are such a life lesson. I long to live free from these distractions but the designer of the master plan has seen fit to include all of this potential muddle that we must make our way through in his program. What a joy it is to decode that which at first glance appears as merely a mess.

I think back a few weeks to the fuzzy teeth stage of the fast. Wow. And now my teeth are so fuzz free that I am left to wonder “did that really happen?” I was looking at the entry on day 34 last night. That was a challenging few days. Loosing weight and strength, and vitality… even to the point of starting to lose hope. I feel so different now that it doesn’t even feel like the same me.

Day 78

I began taking a parasite treatment yesterday called Parastroy. I also began taking psylium and bentonite shakes. Yesterday I ate too much honey and some Brazil nuts “for the selenium,” and last night I had 3 avocados trying to tell myself that they were for the glycothione to help remove mercury. But I knew at a deeper level that I had begun to use these treats as a drug to escape into a world of comfort. Today I have decided to discontinue the avocados and use the bentonite as a substitute mercury binder. I was on the avos for a little over a week.

I am surprised that my gut has hung in there through all of this. It is not my main goal to have “abs of steel,” but I was kinda hoping that that would be a side benefit. As it is my abdominal girth is 32.5,” about the same as when I started.

I have started the psylium bentonite because I am convinced there is a lump in my small intestines residing just to the left of my umbilicus. There are no other organs in that region of the belly so I feel fairly confident that there could be a pocket of unmoving fecal matter lodged there.

Today I am searching for two things. A job and some clay. Will keep you posted on the outcome.

Evening of day 78

I can’t believe there is only two weeks left until food is back on the menu for me. What shall I eat? How shall I keep from getting too excited and overeating? Will I gain back a lot of the weight I have recently lost? I believe I shall become a fruitarian for at least a little while. See how that fits me. If it seems to work as well for me as it does for the Fruitarian One, then maybe I’ll stick with it.

Day 79

As you can see, I finally figured out how to upload images from my new camera. I was successful gathering clay. I went to a location that I remembered from my childhood 25 years ago. The clay is blue green.

I am getting ready to go take a bath with it mixed in in hopes that it will suck all the toxic metals right out of me.

Day 85

Much has happened since my last post. I have been offered several jobs and am starting one of them in two days. It is exciting but I’m still not sure how I will get the juice I need during the 12 hour shifts. I will likely rely heavily on coconut water and oj from my little hand operated juicer.

The clay i found was fun to bathe with but I am not noticing any effects. I installed a chlorine filter on my shower and have noticed my hair is softer and doesn’t require shampooing as frequently.

As I come away from this extended juice fast I find that I am grateful for the effects it has had on me. As I reflect on the dramatic changes seen in the progressive photos, I feel that it has catapulted me miles ahead of where I would have been on a raw foods maintenance diet. But now after juicing so long I can honestly say that I am getting tired of juice. I want to sink my teeth into something that offers some resistance.

I spent the weekend juicing with a friend and we discussed this concept of juicing exhaustively. The main problem I see with juicing is the removal of the fiber which likely has many unknown benefits, and the absence of chewing. We concluded that in the long term it is better to eat the whole food but that juicing offers a potential benefit for repairing years of abuse from the effects of inappropriate eating habits (cooked and processed foods). But now that I am nearing the end, I can’t wait to just buy some food at the store and eat it in the car as I’m driving away.

I feel that the fast is now giving me the opportunity to continue to keep my intake very clean. Perhaps I will soon reach the plateau where i will no longer need to be constantly contemplating the ideal choice for food. I guess it may always require effort to continue to make good choices but I am hopefully predicting that it will eventually become something that my subconscious can take over leaving my conscious mind free to focus on my next big step.

Day 86

I finished reading a near death experience a few moments ago. It is one of my hobbies. I am deeply impacted by these first hand accounts of what lies beyond our physical borders. I am so convinced, by these stories and other teachings of the earthly wise, that the only truly valuable thing we can do is to love. All other activities we involve ourselves in, if not resting on a foundation of love, are utterly worthless.

I paused for a moment in my room and shot a prayer to heaven. “Teach me to love… what can I do to love better?” Instantly the words “keep going on your fast” came to me. I had been considering quitting early because I am going to be on a new job working 12 hours a day. I will not have easy access to my juice so I was thinking it would be acceptable to start back in on solid foods. I had pretty much convinced myself that if i were to continue it would only be to stroke my ego with the sense of accomplishment. But considering the guidance I just received, I will continue.

Quick confession - I ate a few avos yesterday and am planning on eating more tonight. It feels like it’s ok for me to slow down the cleansing but that it is not ok to abandon the fast and begin back in to solids. I even got the impression that I may be led to take the fasting beyond the 92 day mark. Perhaps that will manifest as a very slow transition back to a very low calorie, simple, and clean diet that incorporates an increasing level of wild foods and does not include daily caloric intake. I love you all… and thank you for reading my story.

Day 89

I just worked 3 12 hour shifts at my new job. I love it. The people at my new work place are the best. The environment is so warm and friendly. The folks there were thinking I was around 25 years old. Thank you raw food. I can honestly say at this point that the jury on this diet is in and the verdict is positive. I know of no other diet that can help someone shed pounds and years as effectively as an all raw vegan diet. Now I want to share the secret with as many people as will accept it.

The main obstacle with this way of eating is not understanding how to do it. Anyone can understand “eat only fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds.” The problem comes in the struggle between your soul and your flesh. Here is a blurb from a past entry to explain what I’ve noticed about this path:

I identified my stomach, and my tongue as little children and my mind as the parent. As I walked through the store my tongue and stomach squealed with joy at everything they saw and wanted it all right now. My mind told them that yes it all looked very yummy but that it wasn’t a good thing for the body. And just like children, the organs of appetite first began crying in agony like they were going to die, and then became angry and threatened to hurt me. But as the parent, my mind had to stay calm and firm, even through the tantrums, and eventually, there was peace again. And ultimately the children came to understand the truth and thanked me. I have found this analogy to work with all the appetites of the human body, such as gambling, anger, sex, self inflation and many others.

Day 90

As I was walking into the grocery store I was noticing that every moment, every encounter is an opportunity to be; to experience the most that life has to offer and to shine the love in our hearts. I struggle to live in the moment. I tend to idealize the past and the future and am seeing just today how much I miss out on my present.

As I typed day 90 I find that I am feeling a bit sheepish about it. I have been eating avocados for quite a while now so it is not completely true that I have been on the juice fast this whole time. I even had a few strawberries today with my children.

I do feel like I need to continue with the fast if I am to learn more of how to truly love people. It requires a step of faith to be willing to listen to my inner prompting when it conflicts with my logical mind. I am starting to get the impression that to continue with the fast does not mean to continue consuming only juices. I think it is more of an attitude to approach the world of consumption with. In other words, my intention is to return to the world of eating cautiously. Though I will in one sense be free to eat what I want in 3 more days, I do not want to use this freedom as a license for gluttony.

I have experienced quantum changes in my personality, physicality and spirituality since partaking of solely raw vegan foods. The biggest changes were in the first few months and then on this juice fast. I believe there is still more work to be done. Though it will likely not have results that are as apparent, I believe David Wolfe’s idea that it will take about 4 years of consuming ultra clean foods to get to a point where I will be functioning near my peak.

Day 91

Heavy heart now as I recoil from letting go of my children for the hundredth time. Tears ready to fall if I would only let go a little more. Waves of guilt flooding the floor that I long to see clean and sparkly. Letting go of anger still. Rejecting bitterness. Healing sighs wash me in the love that was given for us all.

Day 92!!!!!!!!!!

I can’t believe it’s over. Finally. I am excited about my first meal which will be starting here in about an hour. I am planning durian tacos.

2 hours later -

Aaaahhhh… I just finished a wonderful meal. Durian and avocado tacos. I alternated between the two. I added red jalapenos, lime juice, and cherry tomatoes to avocados and perched them all onto a romaine leaf. Then I stuffed the romaine leaves with durian and squeezed lime juice over it and chased it with little Thai chillies.

Has anyone ever read that quote that says “any fool can fast but it takes a ?… to break a fast properly.” Well I have read it and don’t believe it. These types of ideas are what scare people into thinking that only the knowledgeable ones are qualified to fast. I hate this message. It’s not that hard. To break a fast just eat some good healthy food. OK… end of rant.

On a quieter note… I am experiencing a bit of a loss right now. Here I sit in the glow of the first real solid meal in over a quarter of a year and I find that there is a deep sorrow in the pit of my gut. The cleansing I have been experiencing has been so deep and so rapid. I have lost years and pounds off my body in a very short time. And now I am going back to eating where the pace of growth may be significantly slowed.

Days 1-37: http://curezone.com/blogs/m.asp?f=1184&i=181

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