Day one - starting again

The hardest part of a fast is starting out. Trying to resist the cravings and the constant urges to have "just one more bad day" before I start this....

Date:   5/16/2007 10:08:08 AM   ( 17 y ) ... viewed 1780 times

Last night I decided that today I would start my fast again. I actually prayed this morning to God that he would make me be successful this time. I cryed a little bit too at the loss of any sense of accomplishment. See, weight loss has been my life. Yet I've never felt that I've been able to be successful at it. Since I was a teenager I've always been on a diet. I grew up watching my mother struggle with her weight and I watched an older sister who I idolized stuggle with bulima. Presently my entire family is overweight. Personally I've been as high as 190 and as low as 145 and everywhere in between. When I'm eating healthy and exercising (not bingeing out on junk foods and feeling sorry for myself) I can maintain my weight between 150-160. That's a good weight for me because I'm tall. Anyway, the point of this story was my prayer. I believe that God spoke to me afterwards. He told me that I already have the tools to make this happen. He's not going to make this happen for me but he will be there along side me on this journey as a source of strength and guidance when I'm tempted to get off track.....I thought of the analogy of a traveller who is trying to get to point "B" with the aid of a map. The traveller doesn't travel with the map open at all times. Instead they review it at the start of their journey to plan their course. They can feel confident knowing that they can pull it out again when they feel they are getting off track. When they are lost they can depend on it for guidance. But ultimately, they are accountable for whether or not they reach the destination.

I believe I am the traveller. My destination is to get to the end of this 30 day juice fast. God is my map. He will guide me and strengthen me when I feel lost but he's not going to do this for me. Where is the empowerment in that?

The hardest part of a fast is starting out. Trying to resist the cravings and the constant urges to have "just one more bad day" before I start this. For me I know if I really want this to begin, I have to pray and ask God to strengthen me. And most importantly I have to stop putting this off. I have to start TODAY. And I have to believe that I will do this because I need to accomplish this.

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