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preday fast 1
I have discovered in life that there are ways of getting almost anywhere you want to go, if you really want to go.
Langston Hughes (American Writer, Poet and Essayist, 1902-1967)
Date: 4/4/2007 8:07:42 PM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 1671 times Symptoms:
skin: dry (face, neck, shoulder, scapula, upper limbs, lower limbs), small scattered bruises around knees, inflammation round knee regions, no pain, no itch
tongue:white film covering whole tongue
odour:none
BM: once
others:oil pulling--white, viscous
overall feeling: feel ugly
Exercise
Medication
4 GNC Ultimate Cleanse
1 Multivitamin
3 Evening Primrose Oil capsules
Goals:
1. I want fantastic health, free of diseases and addictions.
2. Clear eczema
3. Fight bulimia
4. Score A for finals
I want to comment on my father. When I observe quietly and non-judgementedly, I find that he is a very harsh, brash person who has absolutely no idea how difficult it is to get along with him. Although he has not laid a finger on me since my return from the hospital, within 2 weeks he has already threatened and screamed at me. To my better judgement, I did react or saw the need to; somehow returning from hospital gave birth to a peculiar sense of composure and dolcility in me.
When I was about to leave the house the last 3 days in order to go to the police station and the notary public to avert a disaster that is imminent upon him, he cursed and threatened me as I walked out of the house. To think that was my father, though not felt as strongly as in the past, was humiliating.
When I returned from hospital, the doctors put me on Risperidone, an anti-psychotic and mood stabilizer, because they wanted to make sure I did not have mood swings, attributed to the previous violence at home. I knew I did not need it, observing that I was behaving and responding equally well on bothe days I took and days I did not take (I took the medication on alternate days instead of daily, hence already breaking the prescription advice). 2 days ago, the day I was supposed to take it, I refused. He went berserk again and started ranting, raving and threatening me for half an hour. We do not talk to each other now. I prefer it that way.
In order to ensure my safety, I brought forward my doctor's appointment from Thursday to Tuesday with the hopes that a frank assessment can be made and I can get off the drug. However, it was unethical to make such a move, so my doctor reduced to half the dosage (0.5mg risperidone), assured me there was really nothing wrong with me, and told me I could go ahead,at my own risk of a supposed "relapse", to refuse drug consumption. As I sat composedly talking to the doctor, my father beside me was gesticulating and shooting me down because what I said was inaccurate. He went so far as to correct that my mood swings that were associated to stress from home was a farce and refuted that he was a tenable link between family stress and health. Obviously, I was amused yet ashamed to be sitting beside someone with such little intelligence, but I kept quiet. The pathetic thing about parents is that out of concern for their child, they can behave very asininely. My parents have no idea what risperidone is, its action and side effects and cannot even tell if there their own daughter is stable or not. They feel, as they always done since I was a child, that money paid to entrust me into a professional will solve all their problems, saving their trouble from understanding and learning. It is a terrible tragedy.
As we moved to collect the drugs, he was raving and shouting along the corridor. Everyone was looking at him, as if he was a mental patient. I guess he should be the one on medication.
My father is someone that unconsciously makes people distant themselves from him, with his somewhat barbaric, arrogant attitude. It is not just the poor grammer but the aggressive tone that makes him so notorious.
I have definitely gained a sense of calm ever since my return from the hospital. I do not feel the need to respond to frivolity or provocation. I speak more slowly, calmly and coherently, always cannily completing my sentence without a hiccup. I seem to be more cordial with everyone. Somehow, I believe when I read God's word during my admission, God really did some magic in me.
When I spoke to the doctor during the assessment, I was polite and firm, saying only the necessary at the right time and amount. My doctor sensed a great improvement from an erstwhile highly stressed individual.
At the police station, I was able to clearly put forward my stories and the documents I needed and I received valuable advice from Ms Mas, who took the trouble to expedite the retrival of the FIR (First Information Report). I was able to follow her instructions and make decisions better. I was much more polite that I used to be and the officers who attended to me was all smiles.
Similarly at the notary public, I observed the same behaviour in myself and the reaction I received. Both were laudable. The secretary of the notary public went on to make small talk with me.
"It[the notary public] was a lot of money," she commented.
"Yes, but I have a strong, loving relationship."
"That must make it worthwhile. How long have you known each other?"
"2 years," I smiled.
"How did both of you meet?" she asked curiously.
"On spring vacation in Turkey," I smiled widely, making eye contact with her. She was smiling in return, the type of smile when one is touched by something positive.
I do palpably sense that God has a way of changing people. His timing is unexpected and his change can be small but often than not, it is usually big. I hope I will become a better person everyday.
130pm
I am afraid to fast. I don't why I feel unmotivated, ill-disciplined and listless. I think I need something to capture my attention ie work.
1. Find something worthwhile and focus on it
2. Take regular exercise
3. Counter each negative thought with something positive
4. Be confident of success. Open my mind.
530pm
After my shower, I looked at my skin. Wonderful news. My outer epithelia of my thigh is renewing itself! The skin revealed is so beautiful. In addition, another encouraging fact is that the small patch of eczema at my right shin is so recovered it looks like normal skin! Yes, I must fast to get the desired result.
Kusadasi, Turkey
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