Blog: The mountain spoke to me in my dream.
by Girlfriday

My first entry.

Who I am, where I come from, what the hell is the matter with me...

Date:   3/1/2005 6:01:00 PM   ( 18 y ) ... viewed 2123 times

This is my first entry and I hope that it peaks someone interest in me and gives me a reason to keep writing and sharing my life and my story with you all.
I am 25, female and Canadian. I have a great education behind me and a great job which I sometimes love, most of the time am content with and on other days despise. I have a boyfriend that I have been with for over 2 years, my brother lives in another country and I speak to him about once a month, my father lives down the street in my childhood house and I speak to him about once every six months, my mother is downstairs making dinner as I write this. I have a lot of different interests; skiing, yoga, painting, singing, playing guitar, knitting just to name a few. I can count on one hand how many times I've felt happy, truly, truly happy.
Secret #1 revealed: sometimes when I'm driving with my boyfriend and I'm the passenger I wish that he would lose control of the car and crash into a tree...only taking out my side of the car...letting me have a slow, painful death.
I was sexually abused when I was 9 years old until I was 13 by a family friend ... it might have started before then as I do have earlier memories, but I just can't piece them all together. Apparently this is the reason why I am so messed up. I've had an eating disorder for 10 years, cut myself when I get upset, don't want to get out of bed and face the world 85% of the time and feel everyday like I am going to lose my boyfriend to someone else.
This is me in a nutshell. Until tomorrow I will dream of my mountain...she makes me smile.

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