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Hitting Rock Bottom--Terrifying Dreams
Hitting Rock Bottom--Terrifying Dreams
Date: 5/1/2012 10:47:01 AM ( 12 y ) ... viewed 1668 times
8:14 am
May 1, 2012
Terrifying Dream
I was in or at the side of the little pool we have on our property. A nice man was telling me something very positive. He was so happy and confident and knowledgable. He was in the water and explaining something.
There were very large varieties of fish in our little pool and some kind of squishy large creature at the bottom.
They, all of a sudden he disappeared. He was eaten up by what was at the bottom of the pool.
This episode was intensely terrifying.
It triggered my mind going down, down and looking at a series of unspeakable fears I have.
I have been having great successes of late, but also the feelings that what I am doing have no ground.
There is no bottom to my pool, or there is at the bottom of my pool,
something very frightening.
Detox
Yesterday, I had a most severe headache. I believe it was a detox reaction from a new product I am using.
The headache started to go away when I was on the phone with the dearest of friends, Dr. Judith Reno Larkin of the Gateway University.
It is important for me to slow down right now as I write this Blog to reflect on these fears that were coming up from the deep waters, creations that I feared would consume me and make me disappear.
I realize that many of the brilliant ideas I have are born out of a mind that leaves this earth and runs into other worlds, but as Judith was saying, the tricky part is living in all the worlds.
This is the time of year when I slow down to do daily meditations that are part of a Journey of Awakening. We are in the third week of the journey.
The journey has to do with Counting a Harvest called the Omer.
Here are some of my unspeaking fears that have been below the surface.
Room Rental
We have a room rental now. A very dear ally moved in last November. This was a Godsent. I had three vacancies. I eventually filled the three rooms, and this took a lot out of me.
This was a living nightmare. At one point, I had two people give me checks saying that they were going to move in. They made deposits, and then, just as I relaxed into feeling that I had cracked my financial nut, they called to tell me to tear up the check. They were not going to move in. They said they found different places or made other decisions.
I eventually had to slow down, with the third person, and clarifying that this was a non-refundable deposit.
When I made this perfectly clear to the third person, who also had some doubts about moving in, that agreement was kept; however, there were still a couple weeks when it was not clear that he would move in.
Whenever there is a vacancy here, it takes my attention to filling it. That becomes my main job. Whatever else is on my plate needs to be placed on the back burner. Often, what I put on the back burner are the things that bring me income.
Behind this is a fear
Behind this rental preoccupation is a deep fear, a fear I will not be able to pay attention to the things that I want to do or need to do, but I have to pay attention if I am to make ends meet. I will not be able to pay attention to the things that give my life sustenance.
I am feeling that fear now.
Is Anyone Hearing me?
Is anyone hearing me? This is a lifelong issue. It comes up with sponsors. I am starting to have successes with sponsors, but there is a long period of getting some kind of acknowledgement.
Right now, I am very much behind in catching up with work I need to do. I really need a pit stop--a slowing down to catch up and take care of some little things that are concerning me.
I can feel pain in my kidneys right now as I am writing. That is from fear.
I better drink some water now.
Slowing Down
I need to trust. I need to slow down and take organic steps.
Source of Abundance
Judith with speaking to be about my inner source of abundance. I magnetize and attract great things to me when I am connected to my source of power.
I drank some water...
I would like to call some of my sponsors that I want to catch up with.
The condition of the Canyon needs to be told...
I am spending funds the last few days to cut down the Arundo Donax...
I am doing this to prevent the use of Roundup herbicide here.
This is critically important.
I need to voice this in a letter.
There needs to be a higher octave of receiving funds here based on the importance of the work I am doing and can be done here.
It would be good to go print up the new house flyer....
and I need to do something deeper...
where are the events today and tomorrow...?
Tomorrows event is very important...it involves the handing in of petitions for the Label GMOs.
Growing a Healhier Pizza...This needs to be updated...
Planting the seeds of tomatoes, and Kamut...
participants...
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