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SAD AND LONELY makes me want my comfort foods. It's like being an alcoholic. Musings of the Journey
Sadness, comfort foods, self-talk, new lifestyle. EVERYDAY, EVERYDAY .. a struggle
Date: 10/3/2011 9:02:38 PM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 3192 times Musings -- How deep seeded and insidious that human brain is. I've been working hard, very little backsliding, for 2 years. Still EVERYDAY, I need to talk to myself about CHOICES. (Don't eat that - don't even THINK about it - it's not worth it! What can you do to 'ramp it up' today? Vegetables, vegetables. Go to the Vegetable Market. Juice it, cut it, raw or not. Did I take my herbs and mucil) It's just A LOT OF WORK - this NEW HEALTH life. It REALLY IS A LOT OF WORK
Being healthier has become a HABIT, but not NATURAL yet to my heart. Especially when I am SAD or LONELY, my mind wants to fall back on the favorite 'comfort foods'. I always have ready a bowl of blueberries or rice crackers w/ fresh avocado. It works- but - it's not the same. (A little peppermint schnapps -NO-- ) Just constant self-talk. When does it end?
It's a daily fight, even after two years. Morning toast and butter -- NOT. Macaroni and Cheese- haven't seen you in two years. Mindless bowls of whatever, I honestly miss you. It's the overwhelming sadness that pulls the most. I comforted myself for years with snackies. If my health hadn't crashed, (smile) I'd still be doing it. As Dr Schulze says - crashing is a favor - a wake-up call.
Self-talk- oh boy- every time I go somewhere(even to the Health Store)-- every time I have a craving-- about RIGHT choices. My mental struggle is EVERYDAY, DAILY,..yes, hourly. My successes haven't equaled the effort I have put into this. When we get money (ha), I need a MAJOR series of colonics.
I was reading a blog in CUREZONE about co-dependency. Guess I need to work on my feelings. Perhaps getting rid of the sadness needs to be higher on my 'list.'
Reading a book called "Living with Screwed Up People."
Smile. Me or them?? But there is never ONE CULPRIT. Survival and life lessons to be learned.
Also there is sadness about how my health issues have impacted my relationship with my dear husband of 27 years .. as well as sadness that I'm 58 .. soon to be 59.. and not much time to 'play' with my new-found health (when I get it).
I'm starting to exercise, not convenient but necessary. Well, can't go back. I guess if I had learned this when I was young, I wouldn't have these 'false message tapes' rolling around in my head!!" Smile.
My Mom had cancer multiple times and died finally of cancer in the liver. My Dad had his first heart attack at 47-- and died at 64 -- diabetes and with much suffering. As primary caregiver, it almost did me in.
I DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW THAT PATH. Besides, I feel my dear husband would be a kind but begrudging caretaker. 10 years of caring for my folks took a lot out of me,(mostly emotionally) and I don't want to impose that on anyone else if I can possibly do it. Wouldn't be fair.
EVERYDAY EVERYDAY. I don't like where I was... not REAL pleased with where I am .... soooooo .... forward it is!
This is a story- page from my life journey.
I'm talking the talk and walking the walk.
Thank you for your listening.
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