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Misunderstandings hurt me + Stream of Consciousness 5-9-2011
Misunderstandings hurt me +
Stream of Consciousness 5-9-2011
Date: 5/9/2011 9:33:35 AM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 40238 times
PART OF JOSHUA TREE JOURNAL
http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=1807233
Not being heard....
It is a killer for me.
It kills my spirit.
It happened yesterday,
May 8, 2011,
the day of the Hole in the Porch gathering,
our first gathering to renew community
through collaboration.
The event was scheduled for 3 pm -7 pm.
I came home from the Hillcrest Farmers Market
around 2:30 and put my inner child, hurting, to bed.
I was feeling tired and depressed.
I started to feel some panic and a couple of those
winter thoughts where I did not think I could make it,
started to cloud over me.
S said some things.
A left the room in an emotional huff.
I heard A speaking what sounded like negative things about me
in the basement. I can hear lots through my floor.
It got to me. It went right in early in the morning,
the time when I need to get my game plan for the day.
I did some listening and I took in what was said.
Sunday is my day to gather the food for the week
at the Hillcrest Farmers' Market.
It is my time to give love to my farmers.
It is my time to fill my EcoUsable containers with Holy Water
from Sage Mountain Farm, the same water that grows the
very pure carrots and beets that were so prolific yesterday.
Joe had sugar snap peas.
I out on my Hillcrest Farmers' Market dark gold thingy
a person wears in the kitchen to protect their clothes.
I forget the word.
Then I was telling people on this Mother's Day about the
peas and the fresh strawberries that were picked at 6 am
that very morning by this very lovely fifth generation farming family
that has been feeding me for more than fifteen years.
Turner was a dear at Suzie's.
She is very sensitive. She could tell I was off.
I wanted to give something so I took a picture of her
with the Weed Dating Poster on the side o the Suzie's Truck
that was posted there.
This morning, as I return to a more healed place.
I am touched by her sensitivity to me.
She just knows when I am having a bad day.
It is so sad when a bad day happens on farmers market day.
I start feeling so bad.
I hardly feel like I am worthy to receive the food
that I need for the week.
I want to put up some photos today to go with this story.
I had some time to speak to Joe.
He needs sales on Sunday, and I did not want to talk too much
about the deep earlier morning clouds that had filled my head
from the internet.
THE GILA FARM FROM SEEDS OF CHANGE
WAS SOLD
"The property is being sold without consideration for the value of the accumulated knowledge that was on store at the site."
I was up blogging very early for a number of hours
early Sunday morning. That does not make sense
from a point of view of having a good Sunday.
This is one of the issues that I hope the Joshua Tree Remedy
can heal. I do not plan well.
Jann Garity of FES, the Flower Essence Services was so busy
on Thursday, but she returned my call.
I put in more than twenty hours of work last week writing
about the Joshua Tree Flower Essence from the Flower Essence
Society.
REPORT ON JOSHUA TREE FLOWER ESSENCE
I want to make a report that I would bring
to the Kallah of the Jewish Renewal up in Redlands.
I did get a couple positive welcome signs from
a few of the voices at the Kallah.
I spend some time looking at old allies from the days
when I went to the Aleph Kallah. I have not been back
in more than ten or twelve years.
My inner child and my spirit got in trouble there
and again, some of those Joshua Tree Issues I am working on now,
came up.
A LIST OF ISSUES THAT JOSHUA TREE CAN HEAL
It would be good to have a concise list.
SENDING THANK YOU'S
I did a good thing on Friday.
I stopped to get some completes with
three of my sponsors.
THE HOUSE NEEDS SPONSORS
The house, in its more evolved form will have
sponsors.
THANK YOU TO ANGELENE
I want to write Angelene a thank you.
I want to write Angelene, my angel living here,
a thank you. She is an n-path,
as many of us living here.
She knocked on my door to see if I was O.K.
She felt something was wrong with Leslie.
I told her a few of the things that were upsetting to me.
I did some massage on her feet at the new healing area
yesterday after I started to recover.
RECOVERED MY SPIRIT OF PLAY AND RITUAL A BIT
Cara saved me big time yesterday.
Cara, among the sweetest of my intimate circle now,
saved me big time.
She is incredibly gifted.
She is a big time cheerleader for my spirit.
Her youth, beauty, and capacity to express joy
through her every movement lifts me.
She is so very connected and this is so healing.
It reminds me of the days when I worked with cheerleaders.
I am receiving joy from her now just thinking about it.
CLIP OF CARA AT THE HOLE IN THE PORCH GATHERING
Cara let out her sweet movement with Brian.
She turned the mush that you use to lay down the tiles.
Thank you, Cara, for letting me direct you sometimes.
I know I can be pushy.
I got stung last Thursday when I went in to
see TIffany and I pushed again.
I pushed again, after that caused me to
not be able to do the Altar at the Pacific Symposium
as I usually do.
PACIFIC SYMPOSIUM 2011
So how am I going to play that one out?
I am still not sure.
"Focus, Leslie!" Keep the Beet.
I am starting to spin.
WHAT WERE THE INSPIRATION THIS MORNING
I WANT TO DO TODAY?
Connect the dots.
ALOE VERA PLANT FOR PORCH
Take one Aloe Vera plant out of the container
that is overgrown. Do this with Cara's help when she comes
over to get her bike.
It is so endearing.
She biked all the way here from downtown
to get here for the Hole IN THE PORCH GATHERING
of MAY 8, 2011
THE HOLE IN THE PORCH GATHERING
FOLLOWUP
I want to begin to make a draft of a movie.
TAKE OFF SOME DATA SO I HAVE MORE ROOM
Make sure it goes on the G-Raid this time,
HOW DO YOU CONTROL THE DATA FROM IMOVIE
ON THE IMAC?
I need to learn this on Thursday at the Apple Store in
Fashion Valley. There is an Imovie workshop after
my time at PCOM.
FOLLOW UP FROM PCOM
Liz planted the dream for the revival of PCOM
I need to put up those images so I can see them!!!!
Put those up on the PCOM Site on Facebook.
INVITE TO DO A LECTURE
I was invited to do a lecture at PCOM!!!!
Goody!!!
Oh yes....Follow up on that!
JOSHUA TREE HEALNG
Heal the stuff in my crack that was so impacting with
Tiffany when she criticized me for pushing.
ISSUE WITH JUDGEMENTS
This is an inner child issue.
from childhood. Being criticized.
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE ISSUES
WE NEED TO DO DISCUSS WITH SANDA?
We are doing some great bonding here
with Sanda and Brian, my co-owners.
I did some healing inside myself.
It is O.K. to take time to and have the proper
place to discuss things.
GO GET EGGS FROM HANI AT NEAR EAST FOOD
Sanda requested some eggs this morning.
Pius said he would get some.
I want to have the best eggs.
CARA WILL COME OVER LATER
"Leslie put the important things you want to do today
on your Calendar!" Judith via Keep The Beet.
O.K. I am just unloading for now.
PULL MY APPLE CALENDAR FOR THE DAY NOW
7:21 am
JOY TODAY
Cara will come over!!!!!
Yes!!!! She left the bike here.
That feels so endearing!!!
It is on my back porch.
I want to show her the progress I made.
Morea came over too!
Morea came over too!
We laid on the bed.
Then, we took a little nap.
That was endearing.
MASSAGE BRIAN A BIT
Work over his hands with Jonathan Shaloka's
Pure Peppermint Oil and the Athletic Oil.
PHOTO OF JONATHAN'S ATHLETIC OIL GOES HERE
and link...
DO CALENDAR FOR MAY 9, 2011 for LESLIE FOR TODAY
MAIN SPIRITED ACTIVITY THIS MORNING
TO HEAL
Do the aloe later.
Put Job's Tears in the New Foundation Porch.
Thank God we have a new porch.
Let go of sting that I did it wrong.
HEAL COMMUNICATION
WHAT I WAS FEELING
It is like the bumble bee that cannot fly
in theory what we are doing, but we keep
doing what seemed impossible.
WE HAVE DONE SOME THINGS HERE THAT HAVE SEEMED
IMPOSSIBLE
MASSAGE ANGELENE THIS MORNING
Do it more often.
CALENDAR?
INSPIRATIONS...
CONNECT THE DOTS
From my room altar...
where the Joshua Tree bucket is.
to the new aloe on the porch.
connect the energy....
YOUTUBE DRAFT
UPLOAD...The VIDEO FROM HOLE IN THE PORCH GATHERING
THIS WEEK
Do some more clearing in my room this week
for another eight hours.
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