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What I've been up to! It's deep man...
be strong in the Lord...juice/smoothie feasting this weekend for spiritual fortitude
Date: 4/17/2010 6:27:54 AM ( 14 y ) ... viewed 2355 times Pain I've never known:
Today I was watching Biggest Loser with my husband as we typically do. While watching Drea talk about hating being fat when she was young, instantly reminded me of something truly truly TERRIBLE from my childhood and I just hear this voice saying Where was your Jesus when those things happening and what a horrible horrible girl I was for some unfortunate encounters that are just way too graphic for this website. I felt so embarassed and really really dirty in the moment and I just feel like poop right now. Devil wastes no time in making my life miserable after I receive Holy Communion.
Feasting weekend:
I'm amazed that I lost a pound. Really these last few days have been about putting one foot in front of another. My husband went to church with me again. I wouldn't trade my hunny going to mass with me for all the money in the world. Anyhow while I was going through the storm of emotional dog poo at work I started jogging and walking again. I do it during my dinnerbreak to get over stress and get through my second medpass. My dog and I go for morning walk/runs to tune the brain up before church. Yeah the snackmonster reared it's ugly head. Really I did what I had to do to manage at work and at home. I felt bewildered by the physical and spiritual upheaval and conflict at work. The nastycrap peanut butter on cheap graham crackers helped a little bit but really what I wanted was the pain to go away. I wanted staff to stop fighting and residents to stop dying. If I didn't owe debts or buy a house I could walk away from that job and walk away from the people.
I'm still a little emotionally tender, a little bruised and beat up. I'm doing a green smoothie feast for the weekend. Reset myself and don't even look sideways at the snacks at work or eat any candy and sweets. I'll love myself this weekend because Jesus first loved me. Plus it's better to suffer now for the future reward and emits rays of positive health energy.
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