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Uncomfortable Intrusion
Work up in a horrific nightmare...
This is what came out.
Date: 9/24/2008 9:57:13 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 1004 times
September 24, 08
Had no trouble gettting out of bed this morning!
I had to get out of bed!
I was in an intensely highly charged
dream! The Dream was so Uncomfortable
it completely Woke me UP!
Yikes!
This is what was happening in the Dream:
The door was open to my bedroom.
Our living Room, as it is now, outside the dream,
was much larger.
I saw a bunch of men who I did not know
bringing in all kinds of furniture including bedding.
There were putting all kinds of stuff in the Living Room
that we keep pretty empty.
This got me out of bed in my dream.
What was going on?
A couple days previous, in the dream,
there was something about a bunch of people
who I did not know showing up.
So here this morning, more people are showing up.
I have a big question mark. I do not know who these people are
and they are in the midsts of intense focus making these
in the living room.
There are four in one corner. That is too much to take on.
I go up to two others.
I already have anxiety.
Who are you?
Who invited you to be here?
How long do you plan on staying?
Those were a couple of my questions.
They had no idea how long they were staying.
They had no idea that they were being disrespectful
in coming into the house and taking up Space!
They had no idea who I was, the Manager.
At that point I WOKE UP!
I was very unnerved and anxious!!!!
Then, I started to go toward the Bathroom
in Real Time here.
I have a mess on the back porch.
There is one bucket of flowers.
Someone had put some leaves on branches
in my bucket! This is unheard of.
They did this without telling me.
This is a boundary Violation?
Who did this?
Something clicked,
A BIG Click!
Things Unclear came to the surface.
Our backyard is now flooded with stuff that has left the
Basement.
I knew this was going to be a Herculean Task,
clearing the Basement.
Our backyard on the right side, looking down
from the House is near Filled and we have
cleared, I would imagine, maybe 60% of what is in the Basement!!!!
We are running out of room to pull things out!!!
A has a ton of stuff and so do I.
She has more stuff that I do, it seems.
I never anyone permission to put there stuff on the back porch.
I never gave Anna permission to put all this stuff in the Basement.
She never asked. She just assumed.
The Goals are to Clear the Basement and get a Power Washing +.
The Agreements are Unclear about what is going back in the Basement.
I consented to allow the Basement to be Cleared.
Chef Jem and Scott are doing a lot of the work, and so is A
carrying lots of stuff out.
Here is my Shock of last night:
I started to go through some boxes that I had gone through
last week that were on one table in Area D.
Area D is the Space where I am working.
I had no idea any more what was in these boxes filled
with notebooks.
There was mainly dead energy in these cardboard file boxes.
These were the remains of notebooks I had been going through
in the last two weeks, before I went on to going through an other
area of the Basement's Stuff that had been pulled out.
I have been putting what I plan to bring back in the basment
into nifty plastic containers.
I bought 12 on Monday.
I bought 10 on Sunday.
I bought 4 - two big ones last week.
I am not sure how many I would need to complete this.
I have hopes now that I have enough.
There were creepy crawly mites on the notebooks
in the cardboard file boxes.
I started to go through some of them.
It was the remainder of stuff from the 80's,
some pre-computer.
Seeing all these notebooks, stopped me in my tracks.
What an Uncomfortable Intrusion!
Who invited these things into my life?
Why were they still here?
How long were they going to be staying?
I was starting to be hopeful that maybe I could see
the Light at the end of the Tunnel.
I was hoping I could have all my stuff out of the Basement
and then see just what I had.
I did not have any idea what was in these boxes.
They were taking up Space and were like Dead Weight
on my Hopefulness.
I am not sure some much of this material is not replicated
in the 90's material, or for that matter in my room
in the stuff from the 2000's.
This is really a Disease: Too much Stuff.
I am sure in my case, part of it comes from doing too many things
and not completing what I take on.
I give up on what I am doing.
I only take it so far before I go on to something else.
I am sure there is a fear of success buried in here
among other emotions.
I know there are a ton of other emotions
in this Pandora's Box of going through the Stuff from
the Basement.
Judith was taking about Ruthless Radiance
a few weeks ago. She was referring to tossing out stuff
ruthlessly to reveal Radiance. That was my interpreation.
Yesterday, I stopped my cleanup to go get a complete
with some things involving Alex and Brad.
I had wired into that. I was aware I was obsessing
to get a complete, but for the life of me, I was not able to stop.
I was fighting Techno problems, but I would not stop.
The Art I did for the third time for the project was blurry
for no reason. I let it go. I put the completed project in an
envelope for mailing. Then I sent home and worked more
on the blurry page. I redid it in part. There was no reason
why it was blurry. I took it to Staples instead of College Postal.
I printed it. It was not blurry. Then I went back to College
Postal. I was able to open the envelope set to mail and
replace the page that was not up to my standard.
Then I felt more complete.
Alex has been coaching me about being sharp and focused.
She was picturing a sharp pin vs a pin with a flat surface
that could not penetrate.
She has been saying that we can only do one thing well
to penetrate. She is fighting to find the One thing she will do.
That was bothering me. I was feeling very flat at the tip, not
sharp. I could really relate to her metaphor. I feel so
flat, so unfocused because I do so many things.
That was part of the basis of my obsessing.
I so wanted a Complete!
I came home exhausted and emotionall spent.
It was only toward the evening that I went out to the Olive Tree
to do some Cleanup and Organizing,
What of Today?
[ bathroom break...]
8:06 AM
I am bleeding.
I am not digesting well.
My meridians are turning South
with the Fall as they usually do.
I have less energy and I feel fluish.
[ Not intended to be affirmations....]
WHAT TO DO TODAY????
There is a whole bunch of binders
set up in Area E.
There are a Whole Bunch of Most Current Binders
behind the Area in the Basement where Chef Jem
is now working. I have not gone through these.
I want to see the What I have.
I see I am stiil approaching this as if it is Possible
to Manage all this Stuff, rather than accepting
there is too much to Deal with.
How does a Normal Healthy Person deal with Stuff?
My father was not an example of a person
who did that. He is a major packrat, mice and all.
This is a Learn as I go Project,
delivered up by the Courage to take on the Basement.
8:15 AM
I am going to work now.
I will check in later.
[ Aside:
I feel the Entire USA and maybe the World
is now being asked to deal with Our Basement Issues.
Greed is not a Crime in our world,
but Greed is spoken against in Spiritual Worlds.
Gluttony is not a Crime in our world,
but Gluttony is spoken agianst in Spiritual Worlds.
Having too much and desiring too much is
a Disease of our Times.
That tendency is now Backrupting us
as a Nation.
Can we all do less well and enjoy it?
Can we all have less and live more?
Just questions.... ]
10:00 AM
Starting listening to Karen Kingston
on an old tape about Clutter Clearing.
Great stuff. I turn over the tape.
Nothing there. How sad!
This is perfect listening.
I was starting to go through a notebook.
Old Bank Statements from 1998.
I can toss this out right?
I find two checks for $50.00 never cashed.
Where these lost and replaced?
Oh, I have no cloth to blow my nose.
Better go up and get one.
Shocking thought! Oh, that is why people
use shredders. Do I have to black out the account #?
There is a lot of personal information on this.....
Call the bank and ask.
Security information....???
Bank says it can be compromised.
But doesn't a person need a password and username to get in????
KPBS: 89.5 FM
I have been listening to this while cleaning up.
http://www.kpbs.org/radio/listen
I also listened some to ABC Radio
SAN DIEGO RECORDS:
http://sandiego.about.com/od/shopping/a/recordstores.htm
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