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Pandora's Box is Open
Writing to Save my Soul this morning.
Put on Blinders. Take Thanks is doing
clearing a few things in my room and in the present.
That will give me Courage to Go On.
Date: 9/6/2008 11:56:47 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 1768 times
5:22 PM
Leslie, do not forget your meeting with Judith at 7 PM.
That is 1 hour and 30 minutes!!!!!
9:06 AM
September 6, 2008
I have opened Pandora's Box.
I have been pulling things from the Basement of my Being
for a number of weeks.
With the help of Chef Jem and Scott, we set up an area
under the Olive Tree. I have been going through Boxes
from the 60's and 70's. I made some significant progress,
but put some things in a "Parking Lot." I did not know what
to do with them and/or the energy was paralysizing.
This was the oldest of boxes. Some had the thickest
of dust and had been home to the signs of rodents.
I worked with a mask. The protection was not strong
enough. I breathed in too much. I can feel in in my lungs
but not as much as I felt days ago.
Then, i went on to another area of the Basement.
There were about 50 notebooks at least. These
were from the 80's mainly and some a bit into
the transition from the 80's to the early 90's.
I found numbers of materials from events.
Each notebook represented an event or moment in time.
They were like moments in time and space, time capsules.
Numbers of Notebooks triggered emotions.
Disappointments.
Feelings of Loss--seeing names of friends long unseen.
Some notebooks represented failed relationships.
I had saved letters and writings the relationships brought up.
I was able to toss out one or two relationship notebooks.
Couldn't you just have saved one letter, another voice says now?
Gone. Gone. Not too much Gone.
There are two other Massive Walls of Boxes.
and Notebooks from other decades.
I started to go through a couple Boxes from the 90's.
I was stymied. One was filled with pages from books
that I had been reproducing.
Chef Jem coached me through that one.
I will just transfer the contents to a plastic holding container.
It represents Book Projects I will take up again during
the years to come, with more Support now.
More Support now?
I am waking up with nightmares.
How much support do I have here in the house.
There is a Birthday celebration.
One of my Anchors that reassures me the this is
the Home for the Enchanted Garden work.
The Photo Art of Plant Your Dream may be seen as my Project,
not the house project. This seems earthquakes through me.
It feels good to write.
I stop to shower.
My Life is a Mass of Incompletes of potholes of
energy sinks.
The Present is calling.
I would feel better if my the Space in my Room
had some order.
Is this just a figment of my imagination
that I can create more order in here if I take this day
to do that?
Will I get sucked up into a few notebooks in here
that consume the day?
That is my Fear.
And what of the Week ahead?????
I am going to have to come up for Air.
I leave for Idyllwild on Thursday.
Between then and now, I have to get the EG Mobile
in find out about the Red Light. Will She be ready
for an outing? Yes, she has to be. We are going up
to the Whole Being Weekend and have a date next Friday
to give energy.
Batteries. Batteries.
The flashlight is dim.
I can hardly see down the stairs.
Thank God, here are two new batteries.
I filled a couple boxes with emptied notebooks.
I filled two enormous recycling bins with stuff to be
released into the stream of energy. Some goes into the
Black Cans. That gets buried into the ground. Amen.
Amen? It is not really Amen.
There is so much more to do.
TO DO FOR SANITY:
1. Installed new batteries. Good.
2. Pay Cox Bill for phone NOW. Thank You. O.K. Paid Phone
3. Pay Cable? Where is the Bill... Feeling Stress. Oh, here it is. Check Balance.
Please Pay NOW.
Switch! Switch! Come out of the Past into the Present!
What a Shock. I have Opened the Past to Clear and I can hardly handle the Present.
Where is the Lee Forman work? Never was mailed to me..
Where is the ficticious Biz statement that
was too be sent?
Upset: Support....will I get support as I am....????
3. COMPLETED! paid by phone....Cable+ is a report.
needs some work....do not erase anything....move on....for today....
to other things to be done. Thank You for Sanity.
11:28 AM
Put Bank Statements in Notebook and then...
Do laundry...
and then... clear desk. Thank you.
4. What is this?
I paid EG Mobile on Credit Card?
due 8/26/08
Pay on line NOW!
O.K. Got caught $29.00 fine.
PANDORA's BOX????
The elections feel like a Pandora's Box too,
forces undealth with, have been Unleashed.
Personal:
12:31 PM
Feeling lost.
overwhelmed.
earthquaked.
Can I do all this????
Is this possible????
Support levels???
hear voices..outside in the kitchen...
in another world.
5. Laundry please. O.K.
So difficult to straighten the past when
the present is calling out for so much attention,
and what if next week?
Feel like I need Momma...
Where are my Altars???
Where are the things that keep me anchored
in the present?
12:44 PM
Stressing. I can't find a Rechargeable battery.
Three are unworkable without the fourth.
One got separated out from this plastic bag.
Look again.
Oh! now I see four in the plastic bag.
I feel I am attempting to live Parallel lives
all at once. The Present has lost its Order.
The things that helped me keep order in the present
are.... Grab on to them, Leslie, Restore order.
Laundry. Are their any hugs in this world?
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