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Night Before
Night before the master cleanse i hope i can do it this time
Date: 4/8/2008 3:45:25 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 1747 times WOW where do I even start?
I've decided to go on the Master Cleanse for 14 days... It's really my last hope.
I have always been a very athletic girl and done outstanding in all sports. I've always been in great shape all of my life, had tons of friends, ate healthy and just felt good about myself. This year is my first year at college away from home in a foreign country. It's very gloomy and depressing here, I'm in a school where barely anyone speaks my language (as I'm an American learning Chinese), my schedule is fairly rigourous (4 hours of the language a day), and so far i've been through hell. I barely have any friends here, I missed my family, had all of my stuff stolen, and that coupled with the fact that the weather here is so gloomy and depressing I've suffered with an eating disorder.
I've kept trying to turn my life around time after time. I tried going to the Gym but the gym just shut down. I joined a soccer team but the team barely ever plays and it's rather a joke. I tried running outside but the pollution is so bad that I have a tough time. I find that I constantly just eat and eat and eat to overcome my sadness (which I know is completely pathetic) and then because I feel bloated and gross I often purge.
I know this is bad, I know it's a problem and I'm going to change it. I've tried the Master Cleanse 5 times now and only made it a day... THIS IS IT.
I'm tired of living the way I am and I want to change my life around for the better. I'm still very fit under a huge bloated belly haha... sad but true. I feel as though I've been going through a slump and finally my life is turning around... I FINALLY know what college I'm attending in America next year, I'm visiting my boyfriend in a little over two weeks (so clearly I want to look my best), and everything seems to be getting better. I really want to turn my life around and I've always come off to everyone in my life as a strong, confident person so it's hard for me to be vulerable.. therefore I haven't told anyone about this and have kept everything I've just written to myself for 6 months. I feel as though it would really help me if I had someone read this and support me.. I think that might help me make it through this master cleanse which I KNOW is already hard enough but especially hard when there is no one to talk to and blab on about how hard it is.
I need support and I need YOUR support so please if you read this let me know that you have.
So here we go... night before the cleanse which starts TOMORROW MORNING NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've just consumed tons of chocolate, gummies (that i didn't even want or like but just ate to eat), and icecream..
my stomach feels like i'm having twins...
i'm ready for a change!
I'm going to do my homework, drink some peppermint tea (because clearly China doesn't have laxative tea) and start my day tomorrow as the first day to my new fresh life...
Wish me luck! I don't want to go back...
although I feel as though this time is different. I think that writing these blogs as silly as I feel it might help me.
HERE WE GO!
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