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Danielle's Memorial
Remembering Danielle
Date: 1/31/2008 11:09:04 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 733 times
8:52 PM
January 31, 08
Tonight is Danielle's Memorial.
I am sorry I am not there.
It feels like a loss that I am not there.
Helena, her mother, was my sweetheart
for five years. We are still good friends.
Danielle was a troubled young woman.
I hadn't thought of her for numbers of years.
Helena tells me she had a eating problem.
She just stopped eating and drinking.
She went down to 100 lbs. She died on Monday.
I do not imagine that Danielle thought of herself as
being Jewish. I do not know.
Helena was part of our Jewish Renewal Community.
I do not know if they were close in recent years.
I felt it was important to be there.
I called four people for a ride.
I do not do well in the cold.
It has been biting cold.
I seldom go out during this winter after dark.
I can't believe that something like the weather
stopped me from attending this important time
to give Helena support.
I called Helena twice today.
I am angry that done of the rides worked out.
How could I have done this differently?
Maybe I could have gone up to Rhonda's before it got dark
and then gone up with them. Maybe I could have slept up there
at Rhonda's. I want to check after the fact if that was a possibility.
This is the second time something like this has happened
in the last ten days, where I have belt my spirit wanted to be
somewhere, but I stopped myself because of weather conditions.
I am not a person who likes to be stopped by physical things,
although it happens to me.
What would I have done if my it were my father who had died?
How would I have done this differently?
Was money that all that stopped me?
Could i have taken a cab up there?
Maybe that would have cost $75.00 one way.
I imagine I could have gotten a ride back.
That seems extreme.
I am hearing voices outside my door now.
It brings up other areas where I am grieving
the loss of dreams.
I want to spend more time with Helena.
I was reading about Rosemary tonight.
A newsletter says it has anti-inflammatory properties.
I know it is also for remembering.
I am feeling very sad that Danielle's life ended like this.
I hope I do not die in winter.
who would call the community together for me?
I am drinking a cup of Rosemary tea.
I want to do more.
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