17/1/7
One day at a time
Date: 1/17/2008 2:44:09 AM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 1512 times I promised myself last night I would reclaim my body. I want to have a grand Chinese New Year celebration, with a new hair cut, new clothes and a new body. So here I am.
Musty complained about my lack of self-estem stemming from my "f**king eczema" the night before and it infuriated me because he could not know of a fraction of how I feel having to deal with eczema all my life. It is not the first time he mentioned this to me but hearing it for the unteempth time, it really killed me. I know it is unfair that I have not let him see me since the beginning, but I don't want to be in a new relationship starting with me being an undesirable state. I want to be pretty, that is all. Yes, I am insecure about my looks because eczema has been a curse for so long and even without eczema, my health has been in the pits. I am not proud of my body.
I order myself to get well from eczema. I order myself to be happy and to believe I can accomplish my goal. I order myself to be strong and tenacious. I order myself to forgive my past mistakes and make better choices from now on.
Yes, I order myself.
Update: General dryness, rashes at lower arms and hands, rashes at lower legs and feet. Inflammation mild at elbows. Inflammation moderate at knees. Elephant skin at knee caps. Feel heavy. Feel tired. Poor sense of smell. Extra weight.
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