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day 2 a week ago
i am
Date: 10/27/2007 7:31:34 PM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 1582 times Update
Very very dry everywhere
A little bit of skin irritation hence some bruising
Cold with the fan switched on, a lot of shivering
Fatigue , chose to nap when I felt drained
Emotional state: invigorated
Mental state: Coping
Listening to her in his apartment scared the bajesus out of me. Even though I was in all earnestness to wish him happy birthday and try to get him back, I went into a panic phase and jealousy mode. I kept dialing to no avail, finally getting a scalding verbal attack from him. I cried in front of a gf for the first time and let my hurt out--very chastening. How can someone who loved you so fiercely just turned away? We were both to blame and I still love him very much. But my gfs drew the strong gal from within me and told me to just f**k him because he just was not good enough for me and it was an impractical relationship to start with. Positive affirmation, sleep and a renewed belief that everything is going to be just fine for me got me through till now. I was jealous, hurt, bereft, angry at him, guilty at me, but right now, i am fine. It is over.
Everyone reminded to dive into my exam preparation. That is what I am doing and I cheer myself on as I go through the pages. Doing Hepatitis today. Right now my mind is full of HCV infection. HCV is an enveloped, +RNA, flavivirus family member. Hosts of HCV are humans and chimpanzees. Uuslaly clinical finsings is asymptomatic, but can see significant autoimmune disease (vasculitis, arthra;goa. purpura, emmbranoproliferative glomerulonephritis). Treatment using IFN-A and ribavirin most effection (ribavirin alone ineffective). No vaccine and serum globulin available. high mutatibility of envelope genes and absence of proof-reading RNA polymerase leads to quasi species within singular organism, able to escape immunological control and lead to chronic states: chronic hepatitis, hepatocecellular carcinoma, cirrhosis. There, that is for HCV only. There's more but I have yet to read up. Going to.
I know I am going to be a very good doctor one day and all I need is to push myself towards that knowlege and make dreams come true. Hellish family--gone. Problematic relationship--gone. What do I have left? A body that is on its way to healht!!! haha A wonderful career ahead. Upcoming work to make ends meet. And friends to turn to. Pretty much just me and myself. Depending on myself now.
Can I do it? Am I stronger than I think?
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