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The Master Cleanse Express
by Zoebess

67 blog entries; 17 entries per page; 1 pages; viewed 957,440 times
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  • Calibration   by  Zoebess     16 y     3,373       3 Messages Shown       Blog: The Master Cleanse Express
    Did you ever have one ot those moments when company's coming so you are trying to do two or three things at a time? This morning has been like that. I did not even get my Salt Water Flush sipped at a snail's pace luxury over news online. I chugged the bottle and was running, put the garden on to soak, disassembled bird cages for cleaning, fed, watered birds, fed and watered dogs, watered wheatgrass, lettuce, parsley, and all this to music blaring, dug out from a bin of older stuff...Bob Dylan, Blowin' in the Wind...easier to multi-task when you know the words and can hoo along with Bob. Anyway, was scurrying like someone going somewhere and was out in the yard to turn off the soaker hoses in the garden and it hit me! The dreaded, GO NOW, feeling of the SWF pounding on the back door! Phew~~~I was too far from the house for comfort and laughed that sort of nervous laugh and then went into my calibrated Wizard of Oz furry-hatted soldier walk, chanting aloud, "you cant go, you cant go...". Every ten steps I stopped and did kegels for my be-hinny-kin. At one point I thought I might lose it and had that fleeting moment of resignation but my inner child screamed, NO, you cant poo in the yard! Haa haa ha....I suddenly flashed to a incident once when camping and a friends little boy needed to pee and his dad said, "son, theres the tree right there", and tears welled up in his eyes and he said, "NO daddy, I wanna pee in a HOUSE!". I was right there in that moment and my inner child was saying, "NO ZOE, I wanna poo in a house!".


    http://curezone.com/upload/Blogs/LittleBoyPeeing.jpg


    You guessed right....I made it...but it was a close one!!

    Are we having fun yet??

    Have a great day fellow fasters!

    miles of smiles,
    Zoe
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    • 100 yards to the outhouse   by  detour     16 y     1,090
      By Willie Makit
      Illustrated by Betty Won't

      Remember that book?


      I had the same thing happen on a plane!

      Right at take off...

      I told the stewaress I have to go...she said not now, til the plane stablizes....uhg

      As soon as the seat belt light went off I beelined it to the lav. Unfortunately someone else beat me to it..."come on cheeks...hold together!!". I turned strategically for the other bathroom and sadly, caught a glimps of someone else's butt entering my last hope and closing the panel door. I figured I had to stay where I was ... it was unbearable...I couldn't hold on much longer. I was using muscles that even Michaelangelo didn't know about...I started pounding on the door...I didn't care about courtesy or politeness any more God damn it..."Open the f-ing door...what the hell are you doing in there, writing a novel? COME ON!!!" Finally the door opened, I yanked the poor bastard out , tossing him into a stewardess pouring some coffee in the aisle.

      Like artistry, like a fine combination of a seasoned ballet dancer and a Yoga Yogi...they way I shut the door, pulled down my jeans, sat down...all in one 'fluid' motion...pure bliss. I'm sure I set off the smoke detector or one of the plane's sensors.

      That was one of the 'lucky' times Z, and I'm glad you were lucky this time!!!
      Many of us aren't always so fortunate...yet it's those last second craps that
      are always the best. I think the more you can hold it in, the better the flush.
      We should have a blog just for the looks on the faces of that stage. I don't think it's ever been done.

      lava and aloha...d

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      • Re: 100 yards to the outhouse   by  Zoebess     16 y     883
        LOL~~~~~~haaa haaa haaa....I know it wasnt funny for you in the moment, hearing you tell it though, it really is something I can identify with ...this morning, I was REALLY trying to control myself and my eyes were even furtively darting looking for a spot I might never want to walk again...just in case I had to let 'er go. LOL...

        ah, I needed a good laugh. I also may have to carry TP around my neck when I go traipsing in the yard. Its a very big yard and it is a personal testament to the power of my BUM that my stiff walk worked! I was also praying that NO ONE would drive down the road and see me doing this strange robot stride and stop and inquire had I lost my mind. ah...there are miracles every day. Heck, IN THE HOUSE which is a little large, it takes some determination to control the SWF when its ready to explode. I think it may have been Picolo who fantasized building a toilet desk. I will be staying closer to the throne room from now on!

        Sure glad you make it...thinking about you not makes me wanna stop thinking....ggg!


        http://curezone.com/upload/Blogs/destination.jpg


        Thanks for sharing, really~~~

        be happy, be well,
        Zoe
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