- Fighting and Depression by Ren
18 y
3,012 7 Messages Shown
Blog: Uncovering The Starchild Within
I had an exchange of words with my fiance and now we are not speaking. I have work tomorrow and am truly depressed. I also didn't eat well today as it is and just made an omlet for myelf. Yes I know. It's nothing something that I should have but eating it made me feel good...for all but five seconds. I hate going to work depressed. I hope that I will feel better in the morning. I hope that I won't need coffee to keep me from flying off the handle. I wish I could say that my first instinct is to drink some juice or wheatgrass but right now all I have is a visual of a Starbucks buffet.
Right now I'd love to say that being single is way better because you don't have to fight with someone then get depressed. However, my life sucked ass when I was single. I just don't understand him sometimes. I don't get the whole beer drinking at football games thing as it's just not something I've been around. He's an emotional person and so am I. I'm just crossing my fingers that we we really are soul mates and this thing really happens. I don't think screaming that I want to call off this wedding (and have my mom lose two thousand dollars in deposits not to mention bridesmaids dresses) would solve anything. I can't lie though. It's making me feel pretty good right now. Why is that? Why is thinking of calling off my wedding making me feel better when I know that it's not the right choice.
Oh well. Nice way to start the new week :(
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Ren
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- Things like that happen. by YourEnchantedGardener
18 y
1,159
Sorry, Ren.
Football is sometimes a way to get your spirit up
when you can't figure out why you are alive.
And its the championship game!
Try enjoying that he enjoys it.
Last week I went to this 12 step group
and after we were lying on the floor laughting
just to get out emotions.
So guys, like to yell and get excited...
better he yell at the TV then you.
I like football every so often too.
No big deal...got me through a miserable
winter last year...something to root for
when I couldn't find anything....
eg
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YourEnchantedGardener
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- Sorry of hear of your distress ;( by Deradune
18 y
1,213
I know you might not like hearing this, but my first feeling is that if thoughts of calling off the wedding make you feel happy it may not be the wrong decision. Any chance that if you called off the wedding you could have a party instead?
One thing about relationships that I realize more and more and more as I live and learn, is that they affect us more than we give them credit. Geez, just having a houseguest for a few weeks with problems without being emotionally involved with him, (him sleeping on the couch), all his problems started becoming my problems. This happened again and again to me with different people -- whether houseguests or boyfriends. Their problems become my problems. I have to ask myself before becoming enmeshed with anyone else's life, "I am ready to take this on? Will it be to my overall benefit, or to my detriment?" I have learned that sometimes I just have to let go, for my own well-being and sanity. What good can I do another if s/he brings me down and makes me feel bad and worried or hurt all the time? When that happens I know I am not helping them, and they are not helping me.
Money is just money. It's nothing compared to the heartache and emotional and mental anguish of marrying the wrong person -- and end up kicking yourself because you saw the red flags before it happened.
I don't know you or your fiance, and I really do hope it will work out for you, if that is a real possibility. I wish the best for both of you. I just want to say to please give yourself permission to do whatever you know in your heart is what you need to do for your own survival. When it's coming from a real place, saving yourself doesn't mean you are hurting another -- though they may see it that way. In reality you are providing an example to them of taking care of yourself and honoring yourself and respecting your own feelings.
Big apologies if this is just agitating for you to hear and of no help whatsoever. Whatever you do I wish you much and lasting happiness!!!!
Hugs,
Michele
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Deradune
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