I would like to see everything go well for you, and I am sure many others feel the same way.
I suggest, focus on having a healthy Diet and lifestyle, without drugs. Your health should improve. I don't know enough about your condition to know what herbs may help, but you could try dandelion and see if that helps.
I suggest you talk to someone who can help. Maybe a counsellor, or a friend with a mature attitude. Make the effort to talk to someone.
Do anything positive. It will make you feel better. If you can't think of anything, do something to help another person, or other people.
Many of us live on the other side of the world, so we can't come over and spend time with you. You need to make the effort yourself.