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Loved One Has Concerns About Me (LONG post)
fiance injects a dose of reality into my plans
Date: 5/15/2006 12:19:28 AM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 3513 times I respect my man and as such I asked him what he thought about my diet plans. He has some concerns. Here's a letter I sent him today and his response...
I sent a letter of inquiry to [redacted]. It was a spur of the
moment decision to do so. Otherwise, Wednesday is my big planning
day/paperwork/organisation day for every area of my life thus far!
Tomorrow is day one of my rejuvenation week because I'll be by myself,
peace and quiet. I really need to make the most of this week which is
where you come in. I have three major areas I want to deal with.
First, spiritual. Saying the rosary every day upon rising and fifteen
minutes of bible reading every day. Wednesday and Friday are church
days, confession on Saturday.
Second, emotional/mental wellness. Meditation and deep breathing
thirty minutes every day.
Third, physical. One hour of exercise every day, exercise period not
to exceed ninety minutes unless it is bikram yoga which usually takes
two hours to complete the whole series. I don't want to overdo it. I
applied for the NYC marathon and if I don't get the lottery again,
I'll run in something else.
I am fasting this week and I will mostly likely only do bikram yoga
and walking. No running and no lifting weights.
That's the other thing. I'm not telling [redacted] about my fast or anyone
else except you. I notice that when I tell other people, it gets
sabotaged. I learned my lesson. It's not for weight loss but for
cleansing. I was overjoyed that I didn't have a bad pap smear. I need
to get things in right order for this wedding because you know what I
say all the time.. I want to be 'perfect' for my wedding day. It's a
one woman beauty pageant. This fast is going to be for two weeks. I
did okay last time for nine days. This is just five days longer. This
is to cleanse from toxic emotions and work things out of my system.
After I'm done with my two week fast, I'm going to change my diet
completely. No more coffee and no more processed foods and no cooked
foods for three months. The only exceptions would be the piece of
wedding cake you put in my mouth :-), champagne for our toast and
stuff like that. I may return to steamed vegetables and I will
certainly enjoy fine french cheese, cider and wine on our honeymoon.
It may sound a bit fanatical but I have some definate goals. That is,
to be the in best shape possible to have children in the future.
That's my number one goal. I think that's why it no longer bothers me
that we have to put off having children for two years. It gives me
time to get myself ready. This whole weekend was an eye opener for me.
I don't want to give up on myself because other people are making me
stressed. My other goal is to lose the rest of my excess weight
because excess weight in an older pregnancy can be a disadvantage. I'm
also tired of not getting nice clothes because all the larger sizes
get purchased before I can see them.
You know it's funny. I used to want to lose weight three years ago
because I thought being SKINNY would be the only way to attract a guy.
I really hated myself and hated my body. I loathed myself even more
after the whole debacle with R*y. I whole hate on any girl I thought
was better looking than me. I burn with self hate and envy when I saw
guys paying more attention to skinny girls. The worst was being run
over by a guy in the mall to get to a girl wearing low rise jeans and
a back tattoo. I'm so over that drama all because of you. You have no
idea what being in a relationship with no agenda. There are no threats
hanging over my head that you won't love me because I'm not a size
zero with big,fake boobs and no rear end. I know you won't cheat on me
or look at other women when I get pregnant and start getting big. You
love me just for me. I know I will never be petite.
I don't want to assume you'd support anything of what I have to say.
I'd want your input on what I've said and what you think.
And here's his response:
Sweetness,
You said:
***I'm going to change my diet completely. No more coffee and no more
processed foods and no cooked foods for three months.
You asked my opinion of all of it, and I think it's all great except for
this quote. I don't think this plan is bad, but I have concerns.
First, it seems obsessive. I don't really have anything to add to
that. I have always felt that extreme regimens like this are obsessive.
Secondly, I respect you deeply and admire with astonishment your
dedication to your preparation for our wedding and your success. In
this spirit, I applaud your focus and intensity, and yes, your dedication.
Finally, as a middle position between these two points, I simply don't
see the problem with a cup of coffee, or steamed vegetables v. raw.
Perhaps I am missing some detail about a hypersensitivity you might
have, but, well, there I am. If these things are done to give you
spiritual purity or to avoid some kind of allergy to starch, milk,
whatever, then I understand. If not, then I want to understand, and
quietly pray that you know what you're doing and that you get sufficient
protein to spare cardiac wasting and enough minerals to spare cardiac
arrest.
Please don't abuse yourself for falling a bit short of an extreme
regimen. That's the most important thing. Set a very high standard for
yourself, that's okay. Do your level best to try to meet that standard,
that's great too. But if you miss, put it behind you and trudge on.
I love you as you are and frankly don't always understand your intense
devotion to raw foods. But I am listening and learning, and ultimately,
respecting you for your choice in this regard. I want you to be happy
and healthy and fair to yourself.
*********************************************************************************
Now that I sit back and read the letter I wrote, it does have an ADD-ish, desperate ring to it. I really have to consider what he said since I do trust him. I'm not going to take up eating meat or whatever based on what he said, but I'm going to think about my motivation for doing this thing. I do have a severe perfectionist problem in that I make big,impossible plans for myself and overwhelm myself just so I can have an excuse to beat myself up over how fat I am,etc.etc. Stay tuned!!!
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