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Face Pains with Courage
Face Pains with courage
Date: 11/7/2010 9:49:16 PM ( 14 y ) ... viewed 51447 times
Cure Zone Blog - Path of My Life Entry
Hello my estranged readers. I have not been able to post lately due to some delightfull events. Well, delightfull if I was a lover of pain perhaps... but I will try to just enjoy the damn ride anyhow!!
Pain of the heart, and Nerve pain, have been the themes of my life since summer and up to now.
I have sometimes said that "I would not wish Fibromyalgia on my worst enemy... well, maybe on Dick Cheney".
Joking aside, it was devastating to hear that my favorite niece was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia ["Fibro"] this summer, and then just two weeks later my would-be girlfriend was likewise diagnosed with Fibro. And no, they don't go to the same doctor. And yes, they have both been wondering what is going on with their bodies for several years now.
But what do I mean by my "would-be girlfriend"? Hosey Girl, as will refer to her to keep her identity private, agreed to be my girlfriend in July this summer. I was head-over-heels in love with her, one of those unexplainable attractions that begs explanation in that we must be soul mates or past-life partners of some sort. I don't even believe in those things, but I entertain the ideas because I barely know her and yet I am feeling such a strong attraction to her. Unfortunately, due to her previous experiences with abusive men, starting at far too young of an age, Hosey Girl is just not able to be close to me. When she starts to get drawn into my magnetic field of love, she retreats in one way or another. It was getting to be too much for me.
She was only vaguely aware of this retreating that she was doing. I told her one day that it was getting to be very heart wrenching, and I asked her if she would rather we broke up [but to stay close friends]. She did. We hugged. We just stopped kissing is all - we still hang out together all the time. I still love her, but I just stopped seeking a deeper kind of intimacy [and I don't just mean sex]. It is better now, sort of...
So all this heart breaking and wrenching and Fibro and then WHAM!!
WHAM!!, yes WHAM!! A painfull condition similar to Trigeminal Neuralgia hit me, right in the face. It affects one side of the face and it is a terrible pain. The neurologist says I have "Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia".
I have felt a lot of different type of pain - bone surgery, broken femur, dental infections, headaches, electric shock, Fibro aches and muscle cramps, etc etc - but this "face pain" tops them all.
Trigeminal Neuralgia is said to be, even in the medical books, "the worst pain known to humankind". It is also rated as the pain condition most likely to result in suicide. No kidding!! I read that in several places online. I am not going to kill myself though, I can handle it.
The difference between my "face pains" and regular Trigeminal Neuralgia is that my pains come on slowly and they last from one to three hours; regular TN comes on suddenly and lasts for seconds or minutes. My pains are probably somewhat less severe than regular TN pains are, but enduring them for an hour is a bit much.
During attacks, I would be squirming and moaning except that both of those caused the pain to flare up even worse [which didn't seem possible because it was allready over the top of any pain scale I had known]. If I even made a fist or ran my hand through my hair it would flare the pain up. I had real battles between myself during the first few attacks [which occured about once per day]. Then, I started "looking right at the pain", as advised by the practice of meditation. It helped. I got back control of myself and my reactions to the pain. It is still hugely painfull, but I am not suffering as much from it when I do the meditation thing. Calmness helps reduce most pains.
The good news is that the severity of the attacks has become less in the past two weeks. I have had it for about one month, with two days being the longest between attacks.
Also on the good side, I got an MRI done of my neck and face, a test I have wanted for many years because I have problems with my neck all the time. This face pain could be caused by the big Trigeminal nerve being pressed up against my blood vessels, or by some damage to my neck long ago [when the drunk driver ran the red light, another story].
Who knows, maybe these face pain will get an old problem resolved for me, and then maybe Hosey Girl will get settled into her new apartment and she will start feeling more secure and more receptive of loving men, and maybe my niece will find she has the same neck defect as me and she will get cured too. We can hope, can't we?
Yes, we can hope.
To close with, I want to leave you a quote I found yesterday [from Plato - the best quotes are the old ones that still apply to the modern world]:
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato
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