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day 1, Oct 4,2006
my first day of fasting here i come
Date: 9/28/2006 9:57:16 AM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 1465 times A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.(Lao Tsu)
PS: To all my readers, feel free to post. The support and wisdom are most appreciated. If it were not for the human connectedness, there will be no reason for me to pen my thoughts so liberally in a public blog as this. So even before you begin , thank you.
I have a theory of how generic processes work: an exciting easy beginning, a long arduous middle and a challenging oft well-earned ending.How shall I begin this blog?
It stumps me because it was only until recently that I realize I have been such a go-getter that I never quite celebrate the moments of life; a beginning is never toasted to and an ending is all but forgotten. No wonder I fall into exhuastion so easily--I have not acquired the art of savoury. Well, let me try to cheer this beginning by writing the goals. After that, I will do what Oprah suggests as the most vital step to making any plan work "who am I?"
WHY AM I FASTING?
I am doing a 21 day water fast starting 28th September 2006-19th October 2006.
DOs:
gnc ultimate cleanse pills for 10 days
3 evening primrose oil
2 multivitamin pills
8-9 hours of sleep daily
2 hour stroll in the park
read a quote daily
read 1 interesting positive article everyday
read books of wisdom once a week
pray
talk to my friends, confidantes, boyfriend, God
blog reflections and revelations
listen to music
dance
enjoy each moment
end the day with an inventory of accomplishments
start the day with the quote I learn the day before
DONTs
no negative thoughts, words, people, news
watch out for crevices in disposition that may be vulnerable to Satan's attack
identify and elimiate sources of stress or find solutions
WHY
I have suffered too long, weighed down in chains by luggage from my past and present. Honestly, it began more than 10 years ago. It started with a 9 year old innocent girl who had an unusually strong personality and brilliant aura. I was subjected to parental abuse for most of the days of her 9th year because I was not perfect in all that I did or showed disinterest in activities that they forced me to participate in. At 10, I decided to make all her academic decisions on her own--essentially nipping away whatever relationship that existed between parent and child. With the compelled resolution to prove my worth, I made her mark in the top schools from secondary all the way up univeristy. I am an accomplished pianist and violinist and sprinter and novice long-distance runner but never had a chance to excel in sports becuase jThe absence of parental mentorship led me to find education in books and the media. The introduction of boys helped to fill up the void of lack of love; I have had 6,the previous 5 I cared for but never loved.The desire to be beautiful by the media's standards and the unintentional teasing from my parents put me on the anorexic train so that by 14, I started to abuse slimming drugs and went on many diets. During my adolescence, I discovered only 1 lifestyle worked effectively: go vegetarian, exercise 5 times a week and sleep 8-9 hours daily and stay happy. Most of the time though, I was under insurmountable stress, it seemed as if everyone wanted a piece of me. Then, eczema was diagnosed. It began with a huge blow to me when my dermatologist told me my disorder was incurable. The following array of topical and oral steroids I was put on for 4 years till 18 saw a rapidly deteriorating health. I was literally struggling everyday. At 19, I began to seek alternative medicine becuase I was afriad to be pulled deeper into the abyss and eventually die. I met my boyfriend then and I love him but being a long-distance relationship made it daunting to reveal the truth of my condition and ask for support. I tried juice fasting with little will and luck, chinese medicine, probiotics, meditation, and eventually found fasting. I do not kno w though how many times I have tried to fast but failed. My family has been extremely unsupportive and the "invisible" treatment I am receiving muliplies my stress. I have been afraid to leave the house or let my friends see me ill or upset because they have known me as the resilient, dependable, cheerful girl I am and the lack of love empties me further. I have mustered up the courage to tell my friends, but today I did the final most important and difficult task, I told my boyfriend. And I cried really hard after that becuase we had planned to see each other in October. However, my condition will force us to put that on hold till late October.
The chains I am breaking from....
stress of proving myself worthy of being my parent's daughter
pressure to do as they expect
stress to go from ill health to books abruptly
stress of the anger I have suppressed with the way my parents have mistreated me since young
stress of being pretty again
stress of being sick
stress of being locked up in this toxic environment under the sneeky eyes of my parents
stress of being over-critical
stress of self-hatred
stress of dissatisfaction with everything
My goal
23rd Oct m boyfriend's birthday. A month overseas to recharge and have a cheange of scene
Being happy
Being healthy
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