Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up(Thomas Edison)

Hi tambee,

What a sweet message. To be frank, I never thought I could be so candid to all those who have written in. It started out with the mere desire to heal my chronic illness. Nevertheless, thank you for the comment.

Since a kid, I have tried to describe the things I wanted out of life. Now, at my 20th year, I want nothing else but to figure out who I want to be, because I am not defined by stuff, but character. I want to live my life on meaning. While only 3 days into my fast, there is a surprising serenity that allows me to, at every turn I take, be amazed and appreciative of the simpler things--even my inner power. The bible too has been a comforting,constant companion.

Frankly, I am an incorrigible perfectionist and an insatiably curious child. So much I want to learn--and learn it well. If I had someone write my resume, I would most likely see audacious, ambitious and a hopefully yet-to-be-fried brain! While my highly competitive society may have accompliced in creating this quality, I believe deep down, all of us want to suceed at what we do.

However, a marriage of perfectionism and inquisitiveness is overwhelming and terribly exhuasting. The higher one reaches for, the more painful the fall. And being the girl I am, I used to invairably hide the sense of inadequacy when I failed. Nobody taught me that it was actually ok to fail, because failure is defined by our value system. If failure is not getting an A, then life will be a dreaded downward spiral; if failure is just an opportunity to grow, then you will become a better person, better prepared for the next step of this journey we call life. I have had awful lows during my previous unsuccessful attempts to seek a cure or fast or just loathing the idea of being sick--why can't I be like everybody esle? I did not realize that an undesirable thought as seemingly benign as the above, was a seed to a forest of disgruntledness and desolation. I was sabotaging myself. We often do not realize the power of thought; negative thoughts entrap, positive thoughts liberate. A chastening lesson from my crisis. As Thomas Edison quoted "Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up ".

What are you thinking? A very probable question we must constantly ask ourselves.

I am a working progress, tweaking my personality as I go along. I love the fact that I am living my dream to becoming hopefully,a surgeon one day. To the opening statement to the earlier paragraph, I am [or now, strive to be] a passionate "perfectionist" and an insatiably curious child. By "perfection", I mean polishing the art of life, laughing more and toasting to every moment, good or bad--after all, with the galore of interests I have(and you have), we may just churn out an A, though A will no longer equate to success anymore. It is a life of meaning that is the priceless pursuit.

It is a pleasure to know my entries are reader-worthy.