Heart Mending, Fast Broken

Hunger pangs attack while I try to stay away from processed food. Instant noodle meltdown at 4 a.m.

Date:   5/10/2005 10:14:10 PM   ( 19 y ) ... viewed 2667 times

Yesterday morning, Day 6, I did a final saltwater flush and took a bite of the apple I'd been saving and found it mushy. So I stir-fried up some bok choy with onion and garlic, followed by a lemonade with maple syrup. Then I went off to work. Because I travel around between classes, I need to stop at various cafes, sidewalk stands, or restaurants to eat. Finding raw food is not so easy. But I managed to get a small salad from a coffee shop (no dressing) mid-morning. Mid-afternoon I had a Ceasar salad (with dressing and a little cheese topping, but avoided the croutons) and a small pot of green tea at a restaurant (too expensive, I might add). By early evening I was near the vegetarian cafe and got a salad from them, although they topped it with that weird Asian, sugary-mayonaise stuff that looks like cake icing. I hate the taste of that anyway, so avoided it where I could. Eating again brought on more hunger pangs and food cravings. I have to keep reminding myself that I have a whole lifetime to enjoy the foods I love, and don't need to rush around stuffing my face with everything as if I might die tomorrow! After work, around 9 p.m., I went home for some wheat grass powder in water and my last lemonade and maple syrup (the maple syrup bottle is now empty).

Then I went off to see Jones. We had a pleasent evening. I was able to ask questions without shouting and getting hysterical and he responded with no problems. Like an experiment in psychology, I must learn what behaviors reap the rewards. Living in Asia and dating an Asian, there are more obstacles to clear communication to consider--language and cultural differences mainly. Attention must be paid to what is an "Asian thing" vs. what is a "Jones thing." He must do the same for me. Nevertheless, I've been repeating to myself like a mantra for the last few days during my fast: DETACH...DETACH... Find other things to occupy my mind rather than wondering what he's doing and thinking. Having my own activities makes ME more interesting as well!

We stayed up too late as usual, but I avoided smoking with no problems. In fact, his cigarette smoke bothered me (whenever I quit for a while, the smell of others smoking is irritating). At about 4 a.m. I had hunger pangs so badly that I broke down and ate a cup of instant noodles (minus the meat topping).

It's 11:30 a.m. now, Day 7, and I still haven't eaten. The hunger pangs are driving me nuts and I have to teach a student in less than an hour. My only option near here is oily buffet fare. I think I can eat some more green leafy veggies there, without my usual fish and rice. I'll even eat some tofu, although I don't know if that's considered processed food. I dunnnooooo.......

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