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I've been humiliating myself for 4 months
I've lost my appetite due to boyfriend problems. Now is a good time to start a 10-day fast.
Date: 5/5/2005 12:26:59 AM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 2940 times I'm in Asia, dating an Asian man. For the last four months, at least once a week, I'm thrown into emotional disarray over his insensitivity. It's tearing away at me. I'm neglecting my health and job responsibilities. I can't sleep. I've put off doing things that interest me. And the relationship has brought out the worst in me: crying, shrieking, begging, storming out and crawling back, making demands and accusations, being suspicious and untrusting. It's humiliating. I'm humiliating myself over this guy.
So I woke up in his bed this morning, after barely sleeping, wondering what I'll eat when I relaize I'm not even hungry. A friend and I have been meaning to do the Master Cleanse for a while, but we can't find any cayenne pepper where we live in Asia, and I bought the wrong kind of maple syrup anyway. I figure I'll just do a juice fast. I already called in sick today, and my workload is light for tomorrow and Saturday, so I plan to put all my energy-focus into fasting. Because obsessing over...let's call him "Jones"...will kill me. Just kill me.
I know I need to end this relationship. But it hurts, it just hurts so much. Living in a foreign country and being depressed for so long...he came along and everything seemed brighter for awhile. But he's just a guy. He can't make or break my life, but I've been letting him. "You can choose to stay or you can choose to leave," he says. The choice is always mine. He has no needs or wants, only likes and dislikes.
LATER: I went to the gym for some jogging on the treadmill and a 15-minute sauna sweat to get a jump on expelling toxins.
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