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The Adult Bully
Adult narcissistic bully refuses to accept blame for their problems.
Date: 7/23/2012 12:57:31 AM ( 12 y ) ... viewed 10662 times New neighbors, summertime, loud music blaring away for hours on end - sound familiar?
I thought they were just jackasses, but now that I see it, it is clearly a case of bullying.
Its not that playing loud music outside is a bully trait, but the response of some offenders is a complete refusal to accept their "mistake".
But I have to be compassionate, and "to understand what makes people the way they are is one of the most compassionate things we can do" [as the Dalia Lama said].
Instead of just calling them a jackass and making a complaint to the police or bylaw enforcement people, I read online experts articles on "the adult narcissistic bully".
Unfortunately, they are a tough nut to crack because one of the primary traits is to NEVER, EVER, accept their role in causing the problem.
As an example, my new neighbor actually said that if the dogs are scaring the cats outside, the cat owners have to take their cats in. She is a dog owner of course.
To say that is akin to saying that if a thief steals your purse when you are waliing down the street, YOU should have stayed home.
She thinks the whole problem is that someone complained to the police about noise disturbance. Her thinking is that skewed.
Their friends are mostly criminals, and one of them got arrested when the police came to see about the noise complaint!! HA!!
Her response to that is that the complainant got her friend arrested, and, in her words, "this means WAR".
There were three noise complaints before that one.
She never considered keeping the volume down... and it was LOUD LOUD LOUD - with our doors closed and TVs on, we could still hear the pounding music next door, as in at least 50, maybe 100, feet away.
Quotes from the online articles by experts:
Adult Narcissistic Bully traits -
1. Pays no attention to consequences. Never stops to consider cause and effect, what might happen if a certain action is taken.
6. Does not learn from mistakes. No matter how costly mistakes are, this person does not change behaviour patterns.
They typically demonstrate severe cognitive deficits in the area logical reasoning. This kind of learning disability is referred to as Dyslogic Syndrome or Dysrationalia, a dysfunction of the frontal lobe of the brain that processes logical reasoning.
Many adults who display this form of dyslexic pattern of learning disability are bright in terms of cognitive abilities, but lack the ability to reason logically.
They cannot not see another person’s point of view.
In leadership roles, they have an absolute belief in their abilities but cannot tell the difference between real leadership and bullying.
The adult bully is invariably narcissistic.
They tend to attack when their ego is threatened.
Although they do not think they have to follow the standards that everyone else lives by, they are the first to complain if they see someone else stepping outside of socially acceptable behaviour. When trapped, a narcissist will try to twist the conversation to absolve him from the responsibility.
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So, if you are being bullied by an adult, the experts say they tend to pick their victims, which include people who are meek and mild [my kind of people, but they are bully targets]. Get help, and remember that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT [the bully will try to blame anyone but themselves].
As for compassion, there isn't much we can do to help the adult narcissistic bully. Pushing their face into the truth doesn't seem to help, it just makes them more aggressive.
What we can do is understand that they have "learning disabilities" and so there is room for some sympathy there. We don't need to be mean to them, but we have to stand up for our rights [such as the right to peacefull enjoyment of our homes and yards, within reason].
PS -
Narcissism definition:
1. inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity. Synonyms: self-centeredness, smugness, egocentrism.
Psychoanalysis:
erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.
Have a nice summer!!
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