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Day almost done.
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Date: 2/5/2011 4:46:24 PM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 32212 times Sad aching that I keep thinking about the past. I keep it and wear it almost like an invisible vest. G*d - may I please let go of all that has passed. Whatever it is that you want for me is truly in my life today and I trust You.
It is beginning to snow a wet snow here. I am talking myself out of going for a power walk with my snowshoes. No wimping out. I power walk to meet with G*d. Will I keep Him waiting? Stand Him up? What excuses me from meeting with what makes me live and breathe? A lovely snow falling on my head? Surely I am confused.
Tomorrow is Year 5 since my sweet son has died. I dreamt about him so vividly this morning and it was in real time and I was divorced. He was in trouble. He was deluded in his thinking about life the very same way I have been. It scared the hell out of me to see him and experience him that way. I cried and then it inspired me. I worked hard this morning doing my journaling and readings. I ate fruit and wheatgrass for breakfast, a huge salad for lunch and dinner. I still have rutabaga to go. The dream helped me to see how I need to change very, very clearly.
*deep breath*
I close my eyes, I relax my arms, I breath into my chest. I let the fear and tears escape. I choose to believe I am swinging in G*d's hammock this very second. It is all okay. I am okay. I am recovering. The worst CAN be over. I surrender.
*hug*
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