I really feel strongly if at all possible you should elope. Enjoy your wedding day. Spend the money perhaps on your honeymoon, a small reception to celebrate the event and the rest of the money on your apartment/house. These big weddings come with a lot of expense and in the end a lot of tension and anxieties. Most people can't afford them. I don't know how couples survive this.

I had a small wedding and I never regretted it. Because my husband's family was in New York; we had two wedding receptions one in SF and one in NY. We were fortunate, a close friend donated his home and did most of the cooking. I only had to pay for the food and wine. There were lots of fights at first. I put my foot down and pushed up the wedding several months. We were married in a chapel. The hardest part was taking the required 6 month religious course, but I learned alot about my husband's religion and I almost converted. In the end I decided to stay with my own faith.

If you have your heart set on a big wedding. You may want to cut some costs by finding a group of musicians; perhaps two groups one for light classical chamber music and a dance band; maybe you know musicians or a local music school or college they won't charge as much; Make a CD of your favorite songs which could be played at the reception or by the live band. Perhaps schedule formal photos to be taken on a day that is not your wedding day by one of your friends; you will see the results before the wedding. Have your wedding taped by perhaps a TV/film major; perhaps two cameramen from 2 different angles. The more I think of all the details food, flowers, music the more I go back to my original comment, elope! Surprise everyone. Then plan a celebration party. Rather than having relatives come to you maybe you should go to them. It is a great excuse to travel. The best benefit is they have the burden to accommodate you rather than you accommodating them.

Tina Andrews