you are not at all comfortable within yourself... and the reason is because you are so distracted by trying to please others... your father in particular... you are putting your focus on him rather than on yourself... there is a "spiritual axiom"... that i'd like to share with you... that always brings me in check when i get bent out of shape... and it is simply this... "whenever i am disturbed about anything the problem lies within me"... if i am angry at someone it is because they have done something that doesn't meet my approval... and who is it that says they have to meet my approval in the first place... who says life has to be fair... so... as you can see... it's all a head game we play on ourselves...

something else i would like to share that i hope proves as benefitial to you as it has to me... the better i understand myself... the deeper innerward i go... (introspection/self examination/meditation if you will)... the better i understand God... it is wonderful to be free... free from what others say or think of me... free of that sensitivity you spoke of... free of ever having to meet anyones approval... or live up to their expectations of me... other than my own... i am the only person in this world that i can change... or please... or can love... trust... or most importantly "forgive"... yet i've discovered i can never really forgive myself as long as i hold anything against anyone else... to really be free we must forgive everyone of everything... start fresh... clean slate... all is forgiven... all is well with world...

i also found that my belief system had to be revamped... so i threw out all the beliefs that were imposed on me by others... so now the God of my understanding is simply "unconditional love"... God loves me no matter what... nothing i can do can merit this love... and yet nothing can take it away... so... consequently i try to love God in the same manner... and to live my life unconditionally... to love unconditionally... to surrender unconditionally... to practice unconditional forgiveness... and to give unconditionally... these are my goals... these are my ideals of what i believe God would have me be... and it really simplyfies life...

you see... i have met the enemy... and my enemy was "me" all along...

so... "it really is a wonderful day in the neighborhood"...
but only if you allow it to be...

lol...
;-)