- A horrible fight and some medical news by annaconda
18 y
3,715 5 Messages Shown
Blog: Wedding Diet
Last I posted, I left the living room after being told by my future sister in law that the last name I'm taking (which is part of their hyphenated last name) is wrong and I shouldn't break up the name and like it's not mine to break up.
This girl is a freaking headcase. She came down over the weekend after I practically begged her to come take part in our festivities. Our best man was there, and all weekend she was talking behind his back about sleeping with him "just because" and to mess up his relationship with his girlfriend.
Holy crap. So after she said that stuff about the last name, I left, broke into tears as I finished posting, and went to bed. When my fiance came in I flipped out. I screamed at him, he screamed at me, I said I'm tired of begging your family for their name.
It turned into one of the most horrible fights on record - I mean REALLY bad. He ended up staying home from work yesterday, and I came home early.
We were both really hung over, I ate like crap all weekend, though I did run 8 miles over 2 days (well not really, but grilled meat and hamburger buns, not great, but lots of veggies and fruit too, also lots of beer). So yesterday we tried to regroup. And I got some medical news which has put me off kilter as well.
Our strategy for dealing with the sis before was to ignore anything mean she said, and kill her with kindness and compassion. I have showered her with affection, gifts, and many kindnesses. She at times reminds me of her old self, and at other times she is mean and vindictive and a total bitch. Not just to me, to her father, etc.
I had no idea how much it was affecting me to sort of eat crow, and take whatever she said, and try to let it roll off my back. When she said that stuff about me not taking their name, all the hurt and all the pain I've swallowed from her actions - well let's just say the dam burst. And I took it out not on her, I took it out on my love, my fiance. Very bad move. He also said some really nasty things to me that escalated the whole thing, so I'm not the only one in the wrong around here.
So the fiance and I have decided that when she says stuff from now on, be it rude or nasty, if I'm feeling that she's said something inappropriate, we've got a signal between the two of us, a non-verbal cue, that I need some backing. Then we will say, both of us, to her - what you just said/did there - that's not respectful.
Period.
I'm not going to take on a secondary role to her being mental right now. I will not. My priorities have to be me right now. Clearly, I was holding a lot of stuff in, and it's just not healthy.
So then my GYN called me yesterday to tell me I do have Polycystic ovarian syndrome, which results from out of balance hormones - a little too much testosterone. I don't have any symptoms except the fact that my periods are really irregular when I'm not on oral contraceptives. The good news - I know what's causing it, and this also means that my oral contraceptives are being prescribed for a medical condition, which means they should be covered by my insurance.
I don't have any of the other symptoms, hair growth, weight gain and stuff, thank goodness. The bad side is that it may be difficult for me to get pregnant.
Though I really think that what happened to my mom will happen to me - she had super irregular periods until she had a baby, then she normalled out completely. They didn't have the blood test they gave me back before my mom got pregnant, so I have no way of confirming this.
Anyway, I'm completely shaken. We had chinese food last night. We are wrecked, after having one of the most beautiful weekends ever. I'm a total mess. Last night I had a dream that my wedding was horrible - that I forgot to have my hair cut, that no one was around to help me, that a handful of people showed up, we performed the ceremony (though I can't remember my fiance being there), ate the food, then all the guests showed up hours later, hungry and bored.
Weddings. Family. All of it - i just want to run away with my fiance. When he and I are together, we're OK.
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annaconda
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- Deep Breathes! by tambee
18 y
1,894
I have been interested in your blogs every day. I suppose because of the "Getting in Shape" factor as well as the Wedding Planning anxieties. Two things which can be challenging and a day at a time process/progress. Interesting to see that many girls going through Wedding Planning feel the same and have many similar situations even. It's crazy!
Even though my Wedding is a year away... I have already had things, such as accommodations for both our families, turn into a potential nightmare. I am such a calm person and have sworn that I will not let any drama get to me. However, already...... certain family members are throwing fits. The nerve! But, all in all I think everything will come together in the end. I give you major props for holding it together.... even with your stressful situations. Good job for running 8 miles over the weekend. Totally inspiring!!!
Thanks for sharing your experiences. It is very comforting..... and I feel like I can relate!
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tambee
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- Re: Deep Breaths! by Tina Andrews
18 y
1,887
I really feel strongly if at all possible you should elope. Enjoy your wedding day. Spend the money perhaps on your honeymoon, a small reception to celebrate the event and the rest of the money on your apartment/house. These big weddings come with a lot of expense and in the end a lot of tension and anxieties. Most people can't afford them. I don't know how couples survive this.
I had a small wedding and I never regretted it. Because my husband's family was in New York; we had two wedding receptions one in SF and one in NY. We were fortunate, a close friend donated his home and did most of the cooking. I only had to pay for the food and wine. There were lots of fights at first. I put my foot down and pushed up the wedding several months. We were married in a chapel. The hardest part was taking the required 6 month religious course, but I learned alot about my husband's religion and I almost converted. In the end I decided to stay with my own faith.
If you have your heart set on a big wedding. You may want to cut some costs by finding a group of musicians; perhaps two groups one for light classical chamber music and a dance band; maybe you know musicians or a local music school or college they won't charge as much; Make a CD of your favorite songs which could be played at the reception or by the live band. Perhaps schedule formal photos to be taken on a day that is not your wedding day by one of your friends; you will see the results before the wedding. Have your wedding taped by perhaps a TV/film major; perhaps two cameramen from 2 different angles. The more I think of all the details food, flowers, music the more I go back to my original comment, elope! Surprise everyone. Then plan a celebration party. Rather than having relatives come to you maybe you should go to them. It is a great excuse to travel. The best benefit is they have the burden to accommodate you rather than you accommodating them.
Tina Andrews
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Tina Andrews
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- Re: Deep Breaths! by annaconda
18 y
2,145
Thanks for the suggestion, but at 11 days away it's a little late for that! I've already paid for my tent, my catering and everyone in my family has plane/car/hotel reservations.
We are more of an eloping type but we wanted to get money for a house downpayment.
:)
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annaconda
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- Re: Deep Breathes! by annaconda
18 y
2,267
I've actually had luck with the travel/accomodations. I reserved a block of rooms at a reasonably priced hotel (it's totally not the ritz - it's a comfort inn) and just sent out a letter saying here ya go! Make your own plans!
Very few of my friends (I'm surprised cause they're travelling from NYC) have called asking for ride help, and my relatives have been good too.
I should have known there's no way to avoid the stress. There's just no way. Especially when you're a planner, like me. I can tell because you're on this blog a year out, and I only got here 9 months before my date.
Anyway I'm really excited and everything's been fun, my fiance's been the most wonderful thing in the world. He's been so helpful and he's dealt with me at every step of the way.
Still... I woke up crying on Sunday morning after an anxiety dream. It's like my body doesn't want me to relax. well... 11 more days... closing in on 10.
:)
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annaconda
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