I helped my friend literally survive for a year and a half: taking him to the local diner to get some food, buying him groceries, helping with the rent, or car insurance, buying him some small appliances for the kitchen, or soap and shampoo: you name it. I even had to call an ambulance for him once. I cleaned his apartment many times when he couldn't move out of his utter despair and depression due to his mood disorders. He had a girlfriend with whom he adored, but she kept stringing him along with a carrot. I mean that they were constantly fighting and making up, fighting and making up. It was a vicious circle. And my friend tried sooooo hard to please her. He did everything he could for her...He and I were strictly plutonic. He was my friend, and that was all. But I did love him so.

He was so down on his luck; kept losing his job. He did go to college for awhile, and I was so proud of him. At the time he was also holding down two jobs. But, then the bad neighborhood he lived in, sucked him under into a world of hard drugs. That is when I had to get him help, like it or not, for his own good.

I tried desperately to get him into rehab, but I was out of resources, and at last had to pull my help to do so. He had to hit bottom so his family could put him into rehab.

It was so hard to do, you know? To let someone fall so hard? To see them suffer? But, I had to do it to save his life.

Then, his family turned on me thinking that I was to blame. They think I was into drugs and stuff. They misconstrued everything, not even acknowledging my help in keeping my friend alive, and ultimately facilitating him into getting into rehab.

Now my friend is in rehab and he hates me. Somehow his family has brainwashed him, and he and his family blames me for his problems.

All I can hope for is that when my friend finally has a clear head, he will realize the truth of the matter. You know hindsight is 20/20. Thank goodness. What I did was to keep him alive, fed, and relatively happy. I saved him from being lonely too, especially when he had no one on Christmas. He was my priority because he had no one who would help him. I just couldn't let him starve or be homeless: couldn't do it.

At any rate, my friend was my priority, because he needed help, and there was nobody around willing to help him, not even his family at the time. I loved him too...So, I helped him, much to the protests of my immediate family. I don't know why, but they are not as generous as me when it comes to helping people in desperate need. But I know a priority when I see one, so I had to act on my own conscience.

And, I do still love my friend, even if he doesn't love me. His life is important. He is a wonderful person, he just has bad luck and low self esteem.

I hope that rehab will cure him, and allow him to put his circumstances in perspective. I hope he eventually does see how much I love him, and how much I cared for him, when he had nobody in this world: literally not a soul...but me.

So, as it goes, I am trying to sort out my grief. I lost my friend and it hurts me really, really bad. But, at the same time it was worth it if my friend gets well and healthy. That is all I ever wanted for him anyway. - - - Although, I do admit, I hope that someday he will call to give me an update. I kept him alive on a minimum of 4 occasions, and I think I deserve some sort of respect for that.