Re: Oh lord.. by molly bloom ..... Abuse Support Forum
Date: 4/19/2007 10:07:01 AM ( 18 y ago)
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URL: https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=850792
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Yes, one day you'll post on your experience. And the more you support others, the more you can stop being in denial about it. There is something very powerful about writing your feelings.
I used to have the same feelings of longing at the beginning. You are in the grief stage. If you are true to course, the anger stage will soon follow. And girl, that stage is awesome. You just haven't been gone long enough yet to get into the "comfort zone"....clear skys, no one harrassing you. Once you start to realize that you are free....here it comes. It's like a freight train. It's very empowering. Embrace it and don't be afraid of it. People around you might be taken back by it however, so you do need to be cognizant of those you love that are supporting you.
You see, you've been suppressing anger at your mistreatment for a long time. You basically have been taught not to show it, because any strength or emotion would usually result in some abuse. It was all about control by your abuser. If you were classically abused, then you have not had much control for quite awhile.
Here's some practice. If you are picturing him being with another woman, picture him also treating this woman (eventually) just like he treated you. Remember the things he said or did to you. Now do you feel jealous of these other women? Makes you want to go put a poster up or take out a major ad that says "stay away from this man...RUN".
I think many of us have thought that some woman will come that is better, and he will love more, and will change him. After all there was something deficient in US to have caused this perfectly wonderful man to go off the deep end...NO, THAT IS WRONG. Any person that cannot control their anger has that issue no matter who is around them. It's something in them, not the person that "supposedly" caused them to lose control. That is the age-old line that all these men use "you made me feel anger...you made me lose control" No one should ever hit another human being. No one will ever hit you again.
My present husband always said that he would feel quite sorry for any man that ever tries to lay a hand on me. I wonder whatever could he mean? :-))
Hang in there. This too shall pass.
Molly
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