Date:   5/31/2003 5:33:01 PM ( 22 y ago)
Hits:   2,553
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=593092

This is not necessarily the right forum but I am reaching out for help. I have been reading and posting for about 6 weeks and have learned so many good things. I did the bowel cleansing and am currently doing the parasite cleansing and soon will go onto the liver. Well today I had a complete meltdown. My stress level is sky high and I feel so depressed.
My hubby said he may lose his job due to downsizing ( and we just bought a new house) I found cigarettes in my son's pants (he claims they are a friends- this is so hard as my dad died from emphysema), my other son's baseball coach told me "your kid does not pay attention. Maybe you should put him on meds". My response was, "I didn't know you were an MD during the day." I am a teacher and I know kids who are ADD. My son is immature but can pay attention when he wants to. His is immature and needs a lot of motivation. Standing in the field is boring for him. He needs to learn to do it, but that does not mean is needs ritalin.
And I have report cards to do, cleaning up the classroom. My principal told me Friday that I will be getting a new student Monday, with 7 days of school left and this kids comes with tons of baggage (the state is involved so be prepared to have state visitors just popping in).
SO I am totally totally stressed. And my allergies are terrible. I can't breathe out of my nose at all. I came home today found the cigarettes, got the message from husband about the job and I totally lost it. I grabbed a beer and drank it. And I don't even like beer! I can see how someone can have adrinking problem. If it lessens the nerves! That beer didn't do it, so I ate myself to an oblivion-surely I gained 10 pounds today. You name it- cookies, chips, pop, ice cream I just kept going and going. I kept thinking about how I am trying to cleanse myself, but I said F it. I have been in such a bad mood lately so crabby. I feel like a failure as a wife, mother and teacher. I snap at my own kids. I am on this hypersensitive mood- every little thing they do here at home annoys me. So then I take it out on my husband, yelling at him for not helping me around the house and with the kids. He responds that I need to leave my job (school) there and not bring it home, emotionally. Anyone out there that is a teacher knows that is so hard. He thinks I just sing songs all day and teach abc's and 123's. He doesnt get the administrators, pushy parents, crack baby kids, behaviorally disturbed kids, old moldy leaky buildings, budget cuts taking my aide away and all spec ed kids included with no extra support. Then society complains when our test scores go down. How can I just walk out at 3:00 and not think about my job and my kids?
So my mom who also reads these messages thinks I desperately need to start doing Liver Cleansing and then I will feel so much better. I am wondering if maybe I am depressed and should go on prozac. I don't know if there is such a thing as being situationally depressed. I am not depressed all the time, but today I definitely am. I have a friend who is manic depressive, bi polar. I am not like that. There are days she can not get out of bed and days where she is Mary Poppins.
One of the biggest problems like so many working moms, is lack of time. I am gone all day then at night it is trying to take care of the house, kids, bills, errands, catch up etc then my school work, kids homework. There is no such thing as me time. Hubby tries to help but he is gone a lot too. He does a lot with the kids school and activities. He is a great dad and does a lot with them. He has done a lot with fixing up the house which I am grateful, but I have no alone me time or even him and me time. By 9:00 I am exhausted and usually fall asleep on the couch with my younger son . Very pathetic. At least only two weeks til school is out, but then i will relive this in August. Something has to change. IF I can't change my schedule, then I have to change me I guess. How do I learn not to take everything so seriously? I am definitely a type A personality- very anal. I am super oragnized and get things done, but I admit I am not that flexible. I am independent and a leader. People like to work with on committees because I always get things done. But I also take things personally and seriously. I need to learn to calm down .
I took yoga at the YMCA and as good as it could be it was terrible. I was the only "young" person in there- all retired people. I was always late and had to leave right away because of kids' stuff. The other class participants didn't have to take off as they were retired and kids are grown. During the class, all I could thing of is the million things I needed to get done. Couldn't relax at all.
Oh and do you think three males in this house are into my new way of eating and all my herbs? Nope! My husband thinks I am obsessive about it. When I brought home ezekial bread and told him I couldn't have regular bread, I thought he was gonna die. He doesn't stop me, but he isn't that supportive either. DOn't get me wrong, he is a nice guy and I love him dearly, I am just in a pissy mood and right now he will be blamed for everything!
I try to get up at 5:00 to exercise but it doesn't happen. I've just come to the conclusion that I won't have a life and I won't be important til my kids go to college. My 6 yr old is so needy now I say when he is older he will be independent, by my 12 year old, I have to be on him a lot with peer pressure. He's smoking! SO I guess the teenage years are even harder than the toddler yeras!
Please give me any advice. I need it. I am so tired I just want to go to sleep, or go eat more. Today life really sucks.
Thanks to all for reading this novel and all my tangents. I just need to get this off my chest. I think I need a really good cry.

 

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