Date:   12/28/2005 12:46:09 PM ( 20 y ago)
Hits:   1,555
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=563497

You have a gift for asking questions that make me go into that deeper place of learning. Thank you for your presence here in CureZone. Forgiving is usually very easy for me but when I hold grudges it does strange things to me...it changes who I am. This has been very much on my mind of late. It is good to bury all of that stuff before we return to heaven so we don't have to leave any of our old unforgiveness behind doing damage in our abscence.

I have been homeless and betrayed before myself...My wife told me she did not love me and took my children with her...a few weeks later...I was struck by a car from behind...My neck reinjured...I could not work and became homeless and hungry(I lived in a tent) and I asked God to let me go back to heaven...that this earth is not worth living in...and then God actually spoke to me in an audible voice when I asked why God sent me back to learn about love when there was not a person in the world that loved me..this was the lowest moment of my life..then God said, " I did not tell you that people would not break your heart...People will break your heart. I told you that I would never leave you nor forsake you." This was quite a moving moment in my life... Then God told me to go to my mother's house and move to Corpus Christi(The Body of Christ)... I did and my mother told me a lawyer wanted me to come by his office...they had a check waiting for me... I went from there to Corpus Christi with some friend visiting there and I was led to buy a house( which I purchased) for $5,000. The fellow wanted to give the old fishing shack to a Veteran and I looked like I fit the description. A little miracle. I went on to fix the house up and went back to college but the conversations with God have continued to this day even... I did hundreds of hours of volunteer work helping others and then I started teaching children lifeskills...but now I am doing something different...whatever I do though...I try to show God's love through my actions and not just in words. That doesn't mean I always live up to the highest expectation of God's love... I fail every day.. My greatest weakness is when I see racism. It is something that really gets to me. I can't seem to hold my tounge. There is probaly something in me that needs to be worked out or I wouldn't have suc strong reactions to it. I also vehemently oppose war. Both of those actions seem such a spiritual waste of energy. I guess I still have things to learn about those actions or it would not bother me. I am still here so I must have lessons left to learn.

I sometimes try to do stuff on my own but I am not that great on my own... I ride this life out as best I can neither her nor there but I actually got over my deep injury from the betrayal of my wife and we are now friends when we speak to each other and my children visited me at the beach house every Summer. When listen to God, things go well but when I get out on my own...I start having financial problems... I can't figure that part out... but when I am in the right place with God...everything just gets taken care of... But relationships are another deal... I have a difficult time maintaining them because I am usually spirit focused and I don't maintain friendships the way one should...

I have posted my NDE in CureZone.. Ifyou are interested...follow the link. As far as being published... I did indeed want my NDE published but I am not sure if this is going to happen. Words distort the meaning of spiritual things so I don't know if it is the right thing to do. If I do publish, I want it to be for the right reason and at the right moment to complete its purpose. Maybe my NDE needs to stay right here in CureZone...the telling may have been fot this audience and not for the world. I am not sure about this yet.

As far as believing versus knowing... wherever you are in that journey it is because you need to be there to learn the lessons it has to give you...
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