Date:   9/20/2011 4:08:28 AM ( 13 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1859945

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First of all, I want to say that Blue Rose's post about making friends was spot-the-heck-ON!!!!  Today, people are transient, and "communication" with others is mainly accomplished through technological devices (computer, cell phone), or in brief, shortspeak.  We, as a culture and society, do not truly communicate.  We often don't speak truthfully and end up saying only those things that we think others want to hear.  Like Blue Rose pointed out, we used to live and die in the same community, so speaking truthfully and communicating honestly held so much value because our words would follow us to our graves if we lied or played emotional games!

If you have an interest in something - art, dancing, singing, playing an instrument, pottery, playing volleyball, swimming, hiking, etc., there are ways and places to become involved in things that are of interest and will introduce us to people who have similar interests, just as Blue Rose pointed out.  The one thing that I would suggest is to use caution - 100% caution and try to construct strict boundaries while you're getting to know people.  The fear of starting something new may be an issue for you,  and pursuing something that you've always wanted to do (play the guitar, fly a plane, do pottery, etc.) in spite of that fear will be one of the most rewarding steps you will take for your Self (Self = soul or that which makes you unique in all the world).

I understand how it feels like to be lonely - I sure do.  I also understand that sense of loneliness upon exiting a toxic or abusive relationship - there was lots of drama/trauma before leaving, and then there was this sudden, quiet void where I had a lot of time to think about how I got to where I did, and I didn't like it, one bit.

There is a huge difference between being lonely and "being alone."  One is a hunger for human interaction, and the other is a circumstance where we are comfortable with the absence of it.  The caution about boundaries factors into the feeling of loneliness - if we give people too much information about our personal feelings, fears, issues, etc., we are opening the door for some really, really bad people to enter into our lives and exploit that information to harm us.  So, it's great to vent, rant, and rave on this forum about your feelings, but don't ever let anyone else know that you're feeling lonely, especially those people who seem ever-so-solicitous-and-uber-caring.  There are people who attempt to manipulate and control while they bulldoze us with kindness and excessive flattery - they know that we crave companionship and friendship because we've told them so, and they use that lure to bait us into their emotional games. 

Having said all of that, take heart, dear one.  There's something out there that you've always wanted to do, and throwing yourself into that interest will not only generate some self-esteem and self-worth, but you'll be surrounded by people who have the same interests.  You'll sort out whom to let into your world, and whom to disallow on your own.  If you're having difficulty in managing this loneliness and it's becoming something that's crippling you, seeking some individual counseling for a little while will help you to get beyond the point of hopelessness and on the road to finding yourself.

Brightest blessings to you! 

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