Date:   9/20/2011 2:16:12 AM ( 13 y ago)
Hits:   3,796
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1859929

First of all, good for you for getting rid of your ex! If he was isolating you, then he was abusive.

As for making and keeping friends, I'm convinced that this was easier to do in previous generations. There are various reasons for this. I'll use my parents' generation as an example (they are part of "the greatest generation"---the generation that came of age and fought in WWII). Back then, people were less transient. Kids were born and raised in the same neighborhood. Often, when they grew up and were out on their own, they would stay in the same neighborhood---as would their classmates. In your typical household, the mother stayed home and the father went to work.

All of these factors lent themselves to making lifetime friends. You saw the same people in the neighborhood. With the mothers being home, they got to know one and other and thus social connections were born.

Fast forward to the present --- People are more transient now. Some areas of the country (like the one I live in) are very transient. Plus, the majority of households have both adults working. So, not only are few people home during the day but people often don't know who their neighbors are. People who live in areas where many have high powered jobs often find themselves too stressed to socialize much. In fact, I've lived in neighborhoods where the homeowners' association will set up get togethers like a neighborhood bbq and few people will show up---and even fewer will volunteer.

Sadly, I've come across too many people who don't want to make the effort to cultivate long term friendships. Many times I've talked to someone and we hit it off only to have them move away. Once they move away, they don't want to call or even email. Then there are those who are users. You quickly figure out who they are when you notice that the only times you hear from them is when they want something.

I like to watch "House Hunters" on HGTV. Sometimes there are shows where a homebuyer wants to move from the city to the 'burbs. They fret about this decision because they wonder if their friends will be willing to travel from the city to visit them. Or there have been shows where single people live in the 'burbs but want to live in the city because all their friends are there.

I'm speaking in generalities, of course, but it seems to me that my parents' generation took friendship far more seriously. Thus I've come to the conclusion that if anyone has a truly good, loyal friend that they should treasure that person.

So...how do you make friends? Where do you live (not exact location)? Do you live in a city, suburbs or rural area? If you are in a city, start looking around for activities that interest you. You will be with like-minded people. Although there is no guarantee that you will make a lifelong friend, at least you will have acquaintances who have a common interest.

If you aren't in a city and there isn't much in the way of interesting activities where you are, then do a web search on chat rooms for subjects that interest you. For example, if you like photography, look for chat rooms where you can talk to other photographers.

I've learned that going to sites that interest you is a good way to meet with people (if only online). In one site, a group of us got friendly and one of them created a private chat room independent of the site where we met. I was so pleased when they invited me to join them. These women have added so much to my life. We can talk about anything that's on our minds. I've even met some of them in person

I know this is long-winded---so thanks for reading it! Please know that you are not alone. So many people feel lonely and disconnected these days---and that's a shame. I hope that I have given you some good suggestions for as to where to start meeting people.

Best wishes to you!
 

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