Date:   3/8/2010 10:54:11 PM ( 14 y ago)
Hits:   3,116
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1586878

"all you need is love"

so much truth to that. and all i want is love, yet nothing is harder for me to obtain.

growth and healing have been my life since i tried to end it at 16. having suffered abuse and predicting a long, loveless life it seemed like a good idea at the time.

anyway, happy and very healthy now, things are different. i can see people wanting to care and i indifferently give love where i can, unconditionally, but distanced.

everything else is so easy in my life. i love. i feel it so strong sometimes. but i cant share it with anyone.

i'd never been in love until recently, and i ended it tonight. i felt happy and secure, silent in his arms, but still with that shadow. then, when we weren't together i felt a deep disquiet: my mind constantly chewing 'us' but unable to swallow, or accept it.

i cant receive love, it only hurts when i try. i've attempted conselling, actually quite steadily over the last couple years, and never got much more than the admonition to "just go for it".

if there's anyone out there whose been in this dark corner before, please help me get this in perspective and finally close this wound forever.
 

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