Date:   4/9/2008 11:07:08 PM ( 16 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1151011

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I can tell you are a very sensitive person. Perhaps that's the reason you find my advice and persona so intense and reprehensible.

Yes, people do need a shoulder to cry on sometimes. And sometimes they need to be validated in their feelings. It's a risk they take when they post something on a public forum. Some will mock them, other's will give them solace, others will tell them what to do. It's a crap shoot.

My take on this whole relationship forum? Be frank. Open. And above all be real. It's a horribly scary and confusing world out there. Many people are frantically looking for direction. Perhaps I can be more gentle in my approach, but I feel their urgency. What do I do...Now? The person is coming home in two hours...how do I deal with this? They are not coming home at all, sleeping with another person, and I'm in so much pain. How do I deal with my pain right now?

Empowerment. It's one thing to give them solace, it's another to give them resolve.

Each person has an ego inside. A voice that says, No, I'm better than I'm being treated! Why are people using me, ignoring me, belittling me? Why do I feel weak and ineffective?

To me, that's the saddest thing. I know you think it's harsh, but what I'm trying to do is draw down to their strength, their sense of power. Unfortunately part of the healing process, and the beginning of power is anger over mistreatment. I know, I've been there. And that anger stage is very healing. It's one of the end stages of grieving.

I went through this many years ago. I love my husband of 25 years now. I don't have much anger in my life, or drama thank goodness. I do feel righteous indignation when people have obviously been mistreated. You might think me brash, but the one thing I cannot abide is inconsideration. If anything in my life I strive to be considerate of all. That might sound odd to you considering your feelings, but it's the truth.

So I do understand where you are coming from. I also have my feet firmly planted in the reality of life. Sometimes it takes immediate action to keep yourself from perils that could continue to degrade you until you are ineffectual and unable to help yourself. Real damage can occur during this time. Ask any woman who has been abused domestically. Sometimes its crucial.

Will I hurt those with sensitive natures? I very well might, and I would be sorry for that. But this form of communication does not allow sometimes for those longer, more gentle scenarios. But while the strong posts are there, so can be the solace and gentle posts. I guarantee you that poster is going to glom on and read and re-read those posts that give them what they want.

It's all there for them. It's all about them really. And each of us, in our own way, give them a piece that they can use or not.

I hope that makes sense to you (at least about where I am coming from). I'm seriously not coming from anger, but from urgency and compassion on a different level.

Molly
 

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