I am a 37 year old woman who is dating a few (really mainly two) men at the present time. One is someone I recently met with whom I have a very strong physical connection with (he is 25) and the other is someone that I had dated in the past and has recently moved back to the area and is pursuing me once again (he is 35). The latter and I did remain friends after the “breakup” but he often spoke of how he felt like he has missed out on a good relationship by spending so much time out of town (4 mos this last time). They are both aware of the other and I am enjoying my time with each as I decide my feelings for the two.

I have a very close female friend who has always listened when I’ve discussed my reluctance to get back with the “ex” as well as to get involved with somebody 12 years my junior. I will try to cut to the chase...I was with the “ex” last Wednesday night (we had still not rekindled anything at this point as this was the first time we’d seen each other since his return) and he asked if he could stay at my place (assumed to be the couch) since he lives about 30 minutes away and had been drinking. I agreed to this, but after the evening went on he began his pursuit. Harmless as it was, I became weary of staying the night with him as I didn’t feel my head would be in the right place to make the best decisions and I didn’t want to move too fast. So I made the (not necessarily best) executive decision to go and stay with the 25 year old as he had been texting me throughout the evening. Now I don’t regret that decision though I do regret that I lied to my “ex” and told him my very close friend needed company that night as she had been going through a hard time (which she had). Though it was wrong to lie, I felt that if I told the truth he would have insisted on driving home (under the influence). Note, he is aware that I am involved with this other man. So I went to the “boy’s” place and the “ex” stayed at mine…crisis averted! And a good time was had by all…for the most part.

A couple of evenings later me, my “ex” and a friend of his, and my very close girl friend are out and things are fine. However, after my girlfriend left, I find out later in the evening from the “ex” that while I was in the restroom earlier my girlfriend quickly told him that I wasn’t with her the other evening and that I was with the 25 year old AND that he shouldn’t flirt with me as I would only lead him on. Remember…I am 37 and he is 35…as is she! When I calmly confronted her the next day she said that I shouldn’t have lied and put her in the middle. While I apologized and I agreed with that for the most part, I told her that he never asked her that information and it was my place to tell him (which I did on my own before knowing that she had) and that it certainly wasn’t her place to warn him that I would lead him on…not the case anyway. Basically I did feel I was owed an apology for being somewhat thrown under the bus and not even warned about it by her. But I let it drop.

I spent the following day with the ex and had a wonderful time…just like earlier in our relationship. There was kissing and grilling out and football. Great day. That evening I went to dinner with my girlfriend and some of her friends and she asked how my day with the ex was. When I told her that it was wonderful she asked if it was because he didn’t flirt with me or come on to me all day. I promptly told her that we were in fact very affectionate and I really enjoyed it. Her face went blank and she was silent. As there were other people with us I waited a moment and told her I was only kidding (though I clearly was not). She heaved a sigh of relief and stated something along the lines of “whew good…I don’t know what I would have said about that.”

Anyway, three days later and she has avoided my calls only to text me to say she is upset about some things. To me…this feels like some serious judgmental, juvenile behavior on her part. Any thoughts? I am a very upfront person and want to handle this properly without upsetting her further…though I feel that I am the one who should be upset.

By the way…first time ever asking for relationship advice here so go easy on me please! Thanks!