This morning I woke up feeling horrendous. The perfect day to ignore the world, stay in bed and mourn my life. I keep telling myself that a slip is only a slip...that I dont have to go into catastrophic mode because I binged once again. Last night I came back home, I was fine...but after a few hours of thinking and not being able to sleep I found myself getting dressed to go out and get some food...of course hunger was keeping me awake since I only had carrots sticks during the day and an apple with a handful of bran flakes on monday. On my way to the supermarket I was so busy trying to deal something reasonable with the little devil on my right shoulder! "Please lets not go all the way, Im doing so well these days!" ...I end up having some wraps, tuna and hummous...(similar to those I had been making for the memorial which I didnt eat!) too much of it but it could have been worst.(only here can I say what Ive been eating) After the food I made sure to have a double dose of senna tea. OMG thats a killer and Im paying for it now. Do not do it at home!!!

In preparation for the H programm, my mission is to cut down on laxative and cigarettes so it wont be such a shock when I get in. As I was feeling such panic earlier becose of that slip, I called Kim, the lady in charge over there...she has a magical way to calm me down, better then any valium would. It is now settled, Im starting on the first of october,(now that I know Im gonna stop dragging about it!) As badly as I need it, I cannot express the sense of relief knowing that it Ive still got a month...not that im wanting to keep destroying myself till then but...but!

One month to stick with the meds, see my doctor twice a week, attend group therapy on tuesday nights and keep posting here...keep breathing and smiling.

After a shower, a walk and a strong coffe Ive put myself together and Im happy to tell u so.

Now lets leave the past behind and have a good day everybody!

sof*