Oh, BlueRose, I do hope you are right. I hope there are healthy families everywhere.

And families able to protect their children from the woes of the world.

I remember talking with a group of about a dozen women of various ages. There wasn't one of them who wasn't approached, sexually, in some way, when they were children. And all were shy to talk about their experiences. None mentioned any harm done to them, just that they had been approached.

This wasn't a group gathered for the purpose of discussing unhappiness, either. We were the mothers of children involved in a sport, waiting for our kids.

The subject came up naturally, and was only mentioned briefly.

I have also heard stories of other children who hid awful things done to them, sometimes for years, decades, for the sake of their families. Neighborhoods, schools, and so on, can hide injustices and the perpetrators. Kids are capable of hurting each other, in fact, sometimes in mistaken fun.

I spent years avoiding a corner store, in shame, because a chocolate bar had dropped out from under a little boy's shirt, and the store-owner's reaction. I had no part in the deception, so why did I feel guilty?

TV and other so-called 'entertainment' pushes the envelope of decency, ignoring the fact that there is certain to be a child watching somewhere. "Parental guidance" is only a shield of words covering legal nether regions.

One mother swore she hadn't been out of the house more than 20 minutes, when she returned to find her young child viewing the internet via the family computer.

There is stuff online I swear would destroy a child for life, if they saw only one minute of it.

I remember a 'parental guidance' warning on the TV, in front of my two-year-old, where I could not make it across the room fast enough to avoid the picture of a crowbar coming down on someone's head.

A whole generation of kids in the 1960's grew up with the effects of 'duck and cover'...what to do when an A-bomb comes. Some were not able to overcome their fears enough to sleep peacefully...ever after.

One fellow born and raised in Africa told me of his amazement when arriving in New York. What surprised him? First, the wall of advertising that fell on him. Second, locks and bars on apartments. Third, that his lifelong courtesy of greeting his elders as he passed them on the street, was unacceptable. "I soon quit that," he told me.

In my childhood strict rules of 'niceness', and of being a 'young lady' confused the heck out of me...which didn't cause me fear, so much as it limited me severely. I didn't realize that the clothing and leave-it-to-Beaver mannerisms I saw in books, magazines, and on billboards were actually stilted, and up-tight. My mother certainly didn't wear high heels and frilly aprons around the house. There were times she didn't even own those items...and wouldn't have occasion to use them, anyway.

Kids believe what they see and experience, and spend their lives changing their minds...if they can.

Or, they imitate...often not knowing they do. I call these misconceptions 'blind spots'. I have some funny 'blind spots', myself. One was my way of shaking my hands, and a part-sentence I would say, when I was trying to make a point.

When a friend pointed this out, nicely, I said, "No I don't." But, I was wrong.

I hope I don't any more.

I was amazed when my sister-in-law commented that a piece I had written on CureZone 'sounded angry'. She was right, of course. I hadn't intended it that way.

So many things influence a child's life. One prominent one was/is the misinterpretation of the Biblical 'Spare the rod, and spoil the child'.

I am told that was said by a father who had two grown sons who were at war with each other. Look what it has come to mean in the lives of many little children.

One of my grandmothers was a Home Child in the late 1800's, which means she was sent to Canada, to an adopting family, as a Welsh orphan, one of thousands who were straining the capacities of the British welfare system.

It seemed like a happy solution at the time.

Grandma told us she was given to a good family who treated her well. But they raised her so religiously that she was overly-strict with her own children, and my dad rebelled...but was overly-strict with us.

There's the enigma of 'mimicking' for you. A counselor once told me, in answer to my question of 'why', "He thought he was supposed to."

In other cases the answer might be, "He/she thought they were 'allowed' to."

Most of my life I have thought that we had best not think our children are born 'bad', and need 'correction'.

That is putting the cart before the horse, I think. Instead, we could assume our children are good, and strong, and quite beautiful...and are the hope of the future...which, of course, they are.

It would be so easy, I think, to teach kids of their built-in instincts and feelings for right and fairness...of their similarity to all children, adults...and of the wonder of possibilities for their futures...just as they may see the beauty of the natural world and their part in it.

And how to right a wrong...oh yes, that is very important. I really like your suggestion of an apology, BlueRose. That is best, I agree. Puts things in perspective.

F.

BEAUTIFULLY expressed, as always, Fledg!

I have heard that, too, boem. Also, I have heard that we will choose to come to a dysfunctional, abusive family because we want to bring some good to them. It's all very interesting because who can imagine looking at an abusive family and say "I want to be a part of that"? Food for thought...