Silence No More 
Killimunati
17 y
2,723
RN
† Cross †
I am a sexual AND child abuse survivor.. It pains me to even write this...because I've kept it in for SO long. I feared that something bad would happen to me or worse. But I will stay silent no more. Here's my story:
My childhood was filled with pain and suffering. When I was 9 years old, I was repeatedly raped by the husband of my mother's friend. While my mom would go hang out, she would leave with with him...ALONE. What the heck was she thinking? Leaving me with someone I barely knew so she could hang out with friends?
It went on for a couple of months. I never told a soul. I was too scared at the time. Thankfully that SOB is dead (died of natural causes).
I was molested by yet another "family friend." I had just turned 17...I had also found out that he was abusing his wife. Let's just say...he got taken care of (by the cops!)
8 months later, I moved in with my father. My mom was an abuser herself (not of the sexual kind). It was more physical, mental, verbal, and emotional. She beat me from the time I was 11 until I was 17. I had to get away.
I thought my father was my salvation. I was wrong. Dead wrong. He molested me...repeatedly for a month before I told someone.
I told a teacher and he was reported to ACS. But the sad thing was...he was never arrested or required to register as a sex offender. He hasn't been heard from in 3 years. I was sent back to live with my mother (ack).
Both of my parents are total and utter failures. I feel no love for them, only pity. Now that I'm older, I see them for what they truly are: child abuse, who have no regard for human life.
If they were to suddenly fall ill and die, I would not cry for them. I stopped caring about them a LONG time ago. My mother and father deserve no love or sympathy from me. I feel nothing but pity for those two.
To this day. my mother denies abusing me (accused me of being crazy and forced me to see a psychiatrist) and my father wanted me to tell ACS that everything that happened...was a lie.
I've had my ups-and-downs. I pray that no one else ever has to go through what I did. Tell someone...before it's too late. Don't hold it in for years and years, like I had. It will eat you up from the inside out.
- Re: Silence No More #68716
17 y
2,041
MoreThis is a reply to # 890,379I offer you virtual hugs - you are not alone, nor were you the first, nor will you be the last to be abused.
Yes, pity those people for their sick lives. Pity them that they will be held accountable for what they've done, either in THIS lifetime or the next. No matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs are, there is ultimate accountability - what goes around most certainly will come back around. They have cut themselves off from a better life by their own actions. You, on the other hand, need not follow their same paths.
If you aren't already in counseling/therapy, I would urge that you become involved. You'll need to grieve, process, and grieve some more for what was lost, what never was, and what should have been.
God bless you for speaking out - you will find your own path and heal your Self (your Life's Spark) in time. Best wishes to you.- Re: Silence No More Killimunati
17 y
2,207
This is a reply to # 890,445I tried therapy and it didn't work.
I've done all the grieving I could possibly do. At this point, therapy would be useless. I stopped grieving a LONG time ago. I realized that they're never going to change. Why waste my thoughts on people like that?
- Re: Silence No More Killimunati
17 y
2,207
- Re: Silence No More #67299
17 y
2,075
This is a reply to # 890,379jesus. and then i feel bad for certain situations in my life. your clearly a step ahead of your past already
i have no right to offer advice, i can only seem to think you do 'fine' 'even though ... happened'
- Re: Silence No More #68716
17 y
2,041
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