Hi Friends -

Certainly not saying that Jordan Maxwell is "my friend" or that I think everything he said is true. As a PhD student and a researcher, I have a mind to research lots of stuff - I have always questioned Christianity and have desperately wanted to connect to God, but I guess ever since I was little, I have had a problem with faith. (I was one of those genius kids who thought too much about everything - I used to give myself panic attacks thinking about death!) I want so much to believe and feel God's presence in my life - I am just one of those hard-headed scientists that wants "proof" in my life. . . I have worked at several Christian institutions and have felt good about many of their teachings, but bad about others. Sometimes I felt so oppressed and that I wasn't in the right place when working at these places - almost like Christians were so narrow-minded and cult-like. For example, when working at a non-denominational home for girls, some of them would come in because they were lesbians. These poor girls were given Christian counseling, and the home basically tried to turn them around into "straight" girls. . . Many of these girls were devout Christians and loved God, but could not understand why they were "this way. . . " After treatment, almost every single one of them has gone back into the lesbian lifestyle. Others have committed suicide because they couldn't live like this. . . they were taught it is a sin to be gay. . . Another well-known national Christian organization that I worked at was filled with people who would preach the word of God, yet after hours and behind closed doors they were cheating on their spouses, partying and doing drugs, etc.

Again, I think as a researcher it is good to question and look at all sides of an issue before making decisions. Personally, I desperately desire to worship God in the way that He wants to be worshipped and have His presence in my life. But even in Christianity, Baptist, Catholic, etc. one religion will tell you the other is wrong. It is easy to be confused even if you were raised in a Christian home. I am just trying to find my way! Thank you all for your input!