Hi again!
Last year some people helped me make a step into the void. It was great - //www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=668511#i
Now I am changed again a little. I don't think of her anymore, I'm tougher as it appears. Also I'm not such a pussy anymore.
Ok, to the point.
A big part of not caring for her anymore is that (besides I don't want to waste my life waiting for her) there is now some other chick involved. (from now on, "her" or "she" means this girl) We don't really have much in common but she *likes* me and I like her. She pays a visit to me and my roomate pretty much every day. One day when we watched a movie on my bed just me and her, I thought "geee, I've got to tell her". And I did, heh, big deal. I said I don't want anymore %¤#&!§-(love nicknames, eye/body contacts - she does that) and everything if she doesn't mean it. I told her after she wanted to hug me while she was about to be leaving. She was shocked and came back inside. She said it's a surpise and at first didn't have the right words, then she said something like "Yeah, it would be nice, but it sucks because one day it would end". What an optimist. I said it's a natural thing, it happens all the time. I wouldn't leave her though (I didn't tell her that). But we didn't say much more than that. She than stayed lying on my bed for about 2 hours and it was really late when she left. Ain't that weird? But I thought it was beautiful, we were quitely smiling almost all the time. And yes, we hugged, ha.
It's just that I don't understand it. Why would she give all those signals and then freeze when it's time to get real? She's more more experienced in relationships than me (shit, I never really had a gf). She appears to be such a strong person (or even easy), a party animal, flirting big time, dancing with anyone (but it doesn't mean anything, she said. It's funny to watch those poor guys thinking they're gonna get some (I don't dance)). Still I thought with me she's different, she even said she got some of my moves. Fun. Well, yeah a strong person but what's this now? Oh, and she said something's gonna happen between us, sooner or later. Now what does that mean??
So, I want to hear some opinions. I think I'm handling it pretty good. I try to be a realist. It's interesting because they both had somewhat similar excuses, fear being the most obvious one (could they be lying?). The funny thing is I'm probably the one who is most afraid. Should I again just move on and wait for that rare thing to happen again? Man, relationships are the area in my life in which I suck big time. One could said it's just bad luck. I don't know, I don't know. I feel like a child not understanding the outside world. I'm otherwise a smart guy but this is crazy.
Thank you for your time.